Burning Bridges

I used to think that people trickled back into our lives due to mercury in retrograde. Turns out it’s just because relationships are cyclical. People are cycles. Not to get all zen here, because I have traded that ideology in for cynicism, but I understand why the past won’t stay in the past.

People do not understand endings unless they are dramatic. Very few, and I mean probably less than .1 of all of my romantic pursuits have ended subtly. Though I have tried my best. Endings suck. To end a relationship or cut someone out is terrifying because you anticipate the fallout. So most people whip out the “let’s be friends” shit which in my opinion is just dumb. Like, you know what sounds like an incredible waste of time? Worrying that you’re going to show up to movie night. I learned that when I would say, “let’s be friends” to an ex, I didn’t mean it. So I stopped saying it.

There is this guy I went on two dates with. He was nice. But eager. Beyond eager. He wanted to meet my parents on the third date. I had to let him go. Initially, I gave him the standard speech of, “I’m not ready to date right now and that is why this isn’t going to work out. But you’re awesome and I know you will make someone very happy,” which isn’t a lie. He will make someone happy and I was not ready to date. He of course followed this up with, “I completely understand. Let’s be friends.” I already knew where this was going.

Okay, I don’t want to be an ass because he was genuinely nice so I remained in communication, communication that mostly revolved around me not responding to his texts or attempts to hang out. Just yesterday, after a couple months of casually blowing him off, I received a text from him. It’s been a few weeks so I thought we were done here. He asked me to play golf with him since he was in the area (he lives an hour and a half away and is not smooth). I didn’t respond. A couple hours later, he sent me a song called “Blowback.” It was a decent song, I actually listened to it. But I was kinda grossed out. This song is not a song I would send to a “friend.”

Now I’m irritated. Respect my wishes, damnit! That’s what I want to say. I see you, “friend,” trying to weasel your way back in through the friend-door. We aren’t even friends if I’m going to be completely honest. I have zero intention of seeing you again.

So this is how it will end. I am going to keep curving you and not replying until you either accept it and move on, or I am going to be pushed to the edge where I’m forced to keep it real. This is why I say that most people do not understand an ending unless it is dramatic. And really, what is the hang up? Most people who spend months dating don’t even “know” each other. But if I am going to be honest, breakups backfire based on three reasons. 1. The person might genuinely care for you (rare). 2. Their pride will not allow the rejection to take place. Or 3. They’re scared of singledom. The last two cases are red flags and what I believe to be the root of this drawn-out end.

Relationships rarely work out because people are cycles. Statistically, the shit ends 50 percent of the time, and those are the ones that have long haul faith and end up at the alter. We aren’t even talking about the ones you end up dating for months/years. I can’t even speak to those relationships because my longest relationship was about a year and a half. It was on and off. It was terrible.

My marriage was a solid three months. Like, it’s satire status. I was cheated on three days after a miscarriage and wanted to make it work. He did not. And for a minute, I really thought it could be worked out. I was in love. Then one day, I’m not sure what happened, I woke up and I was just pissed. I didn’t care that he was not trying to work it out; I was going to make sure the nails were in the coffin. Forget trying to be friends. I do not want you in any part of my future. Now I will collect your head.

When the whole heartbreak/shock finally wore off, I was like, “Oh no. I DID say I wanted to be friends. Must rectify.” Yea, I went to my IG and posted it all. I wanted his name to be rubbed in dirt forever. (And if you’re reading this, you still ain’t shit). This is an example of a dramatic ending. And dramatic endings should be used to send a much needed message. My sister said it best: “If you’re going to end it, you have to burn the bridge. In fact, destroy it so they know they can never come back.”

Now that is closure. Subtle endings are rarely an end, but rather used to help the other person walk away with dignity. Will I end things with the nice guy like I did my ex-husband? No, of course not because he’s harmless and I am only slightly annoyed. His kindness is his saving grace and has earned him an adagio-like death. This is proof that very few people can understand a subtle ending and walk away for good. Unless you’re a savage, dramatic endings are not the first resort. But if done right, it will be the last time you encounter that person.