Humans logo

Can Exes Go Back to Being Friends?

The key phrase is 'go back.' Is there a way to do this and truly be successful?

By Delilah JaydePublished 6 years ago 3 min read
Like
Moral: "You must let go of the relationship that keeps you and your ex tied together. Otherwise you will never move on." - Anonymous

There is something to be said for those of us who are able to keep our composure in front of our exes. Yet at the same time, composure is an aside from the emotional attachment, and just how much of that is still linked to romantic feelings and the barriers that no longer exist between two people after lines have been romantically crossed.

So, can exes go back to being friends? Should they?

Perhaps I'm more emotionally in-tune with myself. Or maybe it's a "girl thing." How anyone can stay friends with an ex-anything is beyond me. You can be broken up with, or have been the one to do the breaking up, and it will always be the same: the floodgates of feelings overwhelm the body into a kind of pain that cannot be reasonably cured with medication, drugs, or alcohol. When you commit to a relationship, you cross a line into a world that you cannot back out of in one piece. Yet people try to do just that, and it makes me wonder what that sort of relationship looks like behind all the fake smiles and wandering thoughts about one another. Does one just simply continue in pieces, breaking off into a smaller piece each time a relationship is broken and friendship is…attempted? Horcrux-ed into smaller and smaller portions of overdrawn, dead, life.

"I still respect her. She's still a good person that I want to have in my life."

"It's OK if he dates someone else, I'll be fine! We broke up for a reason. We might not be together anymore, but I still want to be able to talk to him when I need someone to be there for me."

You can say it out loud in front of your friends and family, but you are the only one who really knows what that feels like. You're lying to yourself and you know it. There is no such thing as "going back." They were your best friend, your confidant, and for some, even your lover. But how can it be considered "respectful" to revoke those titles from someone and to simply give them another? To demote them from Mr. President to Store Manager? Respect and friendship are two completely different things, and no one said you couldn't respect him or her from a distance. In fact, I think breaking friendship after a romantic relationship ends is that much more respectful.

I still think about my exes from time to time. I wonder what they are up to, how they are doing. I still care about (most of) them, and I hope they find someone who ultimately makes them happy and helps them become the best version of themselves. But I don't stay friends with them. I don't text them whenever I feel like I need someone to talk to. I refocus myself, remembering that the only things I can change about this moment are the things that happen to me. When you let someone go, you should let them go. How else are we going to truly be free unless you take the moments that were shared and cherish them, rather than dragging them through the dirt when your new girlfriend finds out you’re still speaking to someone you used to have sex with on a regular?

I know I've only barely touched the surface here, and perhaps there is something I'm missing about being friends with an ex. Even in our current day in time, where social media has given us an open window into the lives of the people who continue to live on this Earth, is it not better to respect your exes from afar than to try to back out of a deal you made to them when you said you loved them? To look back and know that a great chapter was shared, and cannot be tarnished by future relationships?

—D . J .

breakups
Like

About the Creator

Delilah Jayde

You can follow her on Facebook at: www.facebook.com/iamdelilahjayde

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.