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Can You Love Too Hard?

Trying to Make Sense of It All

By KyrenePublished 5 years ago 4 min read
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To love and to be loved has a history of being a confusing concept in my opinion. I always thought that there was no way anyone could love without the expectation of receiving love. Although I wouldn’t think this as straightforward as that, I did not just automatically think I deserved love. I was more so confused when it came to my personal experiences. How could someone that I would wholeheartedly do anything for not love me? This was one of the depressing echos in my mind for an uncomfortably long time. Going off of the semi-same note I also never thought that one could expect or take someone’s love without the intention of giving it. I mean what good person would openly take someone’s love without yearning to give the other the same satisfaction of being and feeling loved?

Do not get me wrong there are more than just these two categories, but I will get to that in a moment. Some people have expected to just be given the love and respect. These people believe they are entitled someones love, which is unsettling it makes me feel extremely uneasy and if I think about it long enough it makes me angry. Almost as equally unfortunate some people live their life giving it all away. These beautifully naive souls believe that everyone must be as kind hearted as they are.

When thinking about these people I thought that this could only be a phase, that these innocent pure loving souls would get hurt one too many times and then they will shut the world out. I thought that every loving person would eventually stop, loving. This is not always the case, my great aunt is 73 and her love truly shows to be unconditional not just to family but to everyone she meets.

Though some lovers are only to be hardened by the disturbing reality that no matter how much they love, it does not guarantee that they will receive the love they deserve and need. That was me for the longest time. I felt like there was no one on this Earth that did not deserve my love, I would give it away in every breath. I was hurt over and over again and I forgave so unnaturally quick that it was noticed by others who wanted to use my love.

I was that person that loved everyone and everything unconditionally for no reason without receiving an ounce of love, respect, or loyalty. I found it only right to give all I was and all I had for those that may not have deserved it, it was just in my nature. After growing up a little and noticing a strong and unwanted pattern in my life I became somewhat intentionally bitter. I didn’t care if I was loved but I cared even less about loving. I stayed to myself as a form of protection, I created a box to incase the hurt and hate I developed. I stayed in the shadows, hidden away, and in my eyes at the time I thought I was safe. Still, when I look back, to be honest I was safe, I was only hurt when I let down those walls I built for myself. I did not harden slowly, it did not take years, it happened in an instant I was broken for the last time and I shut down. It was for good, “I was to never love again” this I would tell myself. Loving was for the weak and it made me vulnerable, but to be honest the only reason that was my outlook on love was because I was broken and I could not take anymore.

After a couple years my hurt turned into hate, all I wanted to do was hurt the people who destroyed me. I succeeded, I did this damage many times to already unstable hearts. I did not feel one wrong way towards what I was doing, until I met a someone with an abused soul too. They spoke with me gently, and within a week I could feel they cared about me. I felt something again and I was afraid but I felt dedicated. He was beginning to harden and I realized what that looked like although I never had to see it from the outside. I made it my personal goal to try to help him from turning into what I had become. I’ve never loved anyone harder than I loved and continue to love him. See truly on its own love is beautiful, but once it has been corrupted by expectations, meaningless gestures, and just flat out lies it becomes more heartache than it was ever intended to be.

Earlier, I said something about there being more than just two categories and I can only speak about one other that I have and I am currently encountering. I am sure that other people experience this too, I am back to giving all of my love just to specific people. I am also constantly receiving so much love that all I want to do is give more. So now I can say with 100 percent certainty that you can never love too much so there is no way that it can be a bad thing.

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About the Creator

Kyrene

Writing is my time for myself, I love the feeling and I love who I am when I write. I am in college majoring in Journalism.

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