Carly Steinbacher

I had to take your entire chapter and write it all over again. When I composed the rough draft, I had no idea that you would mean as much to me as you do now. You are not a safe place or a sheltered space to hide away in. You are the only solid ground I can stand on. Without you, anything that makes me who I am would cease to exist.

You are The Valley’s harmony, you are what keeps The Valley alive.

You place all of my missing pieces where they belong. You soften all of my jagged edges. You make me a better person. You believe in me. You’re the only person that makes me laugh until it hurts. You’re the only face that I can stand to see constantly. You are the only human I can spend every day with. I can physically feel when you’re gone, because I don’t feel like me. I’m ridiculously incomplete.

I told you once that you remind me of the moon. I'm not sure why I needed you to know that, I just did. Sometimes the sunlight gets too bright, blinding us and keeping us from seeing the world outside of its shine. But the moon is a quiet light. It glows instead of burns and it's gentle and guarding. The moon is safe and beautiful. And if there's ever a moment in time where you need the world to slow down so you can slip into the shadows and actually think about your place in all of this, it allows you to do so.

The moon takes your place when you don't want to be seen. It's saying, "Here, I'll hide you until you can find yourself, and when you're ready, when you're strong enough, you can step into my light, and you and I can illuminate the world." And if you haven't figured it out yet, I'm trying to say that this is who you are to me.

I never truly understood what it meant to be myself until I met you. I was terrified of what the world might think of me. I wondered if I was good enough and if anything I did mattered. And then you kind of stumbled into my life and made sure that every light I stepped into was gentle enough and forgiving enough to accept me for every single thing that I could possibly be. You revealed me when I was too afraid to do so myself.

You taught me one of the most important lessons that I have ever learned: that it's okay not to be okay. You showed me that I am free to struggle; that I am justified in my anger and my sadness, my confusion and frustration. You always reminded me that sometimes life isn't going to be okay at all, but that's not the end of it; and sometimes, you have to keep fighting.

We've only been close for a short while but man we've been through some things. I feel like I've lived a lifetime, and the knowledge that I actually haven't, gives me the hope that you'll be around when I have. I know that you will be the reason I won't be able to keep a straight face at my wedding. You will be around when the whole world knows my name. It doesn't feel like I'm living unless you're around.

You and I are in sync. We walk down stairs the same, we laugh the same, we sigh simultaneously, we make the same noises, we eat the same way, we think the same things. It’s hilarious, and it’s infinite, and it’s always, and it’s my favorite thing.

I don’t even have to see you to know when you’re not okay. I can feel it. You always seem to show up when I’m about to give up. You convince me that whatever it may be, it’s worth it.

You are what keeps everything fully blended, full of life, and in perfect harmony. You mold and shape every corner of the Earth until it mends itself. You grace the world with your healing hands and touch every broken inch, making it alright again.

You’re not my best friend, you’re not my sister, you’re not even a piece of me. You are what makes me who I am. You are the one thing, the single thing, the only thing. And I am forever grateful to have you in my life.