Champagne Scented Candles

I sit and watch as the glow of my champagne scented candles light up every inch of your skin. I can’t help but think of our hearts and bodies being intertwined; how valuable this is to me. It brings a sadness to my soul. You have an unrestrained glow, a sort of otherworldly softness about you. It makes you irresistible, this light. But as I reach a trembling hand towards you, my fingertips begging to be satisfied by our electricity, panic washes over me. I draw back and tuck my hands safely beneath my thighs, fearful of waking you and ending this sweet moment. There aren’t going to be any more memories like this—not after everything that’s happened between our hearts.

As much as my essence is begging to be tangled up in yours, I know I can’t wake you. I know, even though it kills me the longer this goes on, that I can’t be the one to end this memory. I want it to go on forever the way I want us to go on forever. I want you and me to be the stars the universe stares at in awe eternities from now.

But we won’t go on forever, for like all the fiery, passionate beauties, we are going to burn out. We are going to cease to exist, and it breaks my heart to know that we are already reducing our souls to ash. We burned too hot; fate determined from the very beginning that we would end up scorched and scarred. Now all you and I can do is live a bland, safe life. A love that can’t be contained has taught our hearts that neither of us can handle such fire.

You lie on the bed next to me, asleep, unaware of the chaos going on in my mind. I can feel the comforting warmth of you, almost as if I weren’t falling apart inside. Your face isn’t twisted in pain, nor are your eyes searing into my soul. You, my love, are bliss.

And I pray that after everything that has passed between us, you continue to be bliss. The love in my heart begins to slip out my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I don’t reach up to wipe the love off my face, because I’m not worried about that right now. My hands stay safely tucked under my thigh, but a sigh escapes my lips. I just want to burn this moment into my mind and soul.

Watching you lie so serenely in this candlelight is the sunshine I will turn to when the world brings me rain and thunder. I can’t forget this. I know my soul will be washed away by the storms if I do. My mind is nothing but waves crashing against the small boat of my heart, and you know this, baby. The only things that will keep me safe are our memories. These little bits of moonlight will peek through the horrible, ugly clouds threatening to consume me, making me remember the feelings I have with you, and I will go on.

So, as I stare at you in this quiet, warm light, I remember all the breathtaking events of us. My heart is beating strongly for you, but I have to calm it. I fear it will wake you and this memory will vanish before I can lock it away safely. I close my eyes, and the memories play like a movie behind my eyelids. It’s too much to think of right now. I can reminisce and cry later. I open my eyes once more and let the image before me burn itself into my mind, never to be erased.

Perhaps we will fade away like mist in the early morning sun. I know we will. Our passion has burned too bright, too fast. We are destined to fizzle out, and even though it breaks my soul, we always were. But even when our fierce love is long gone and we are miles away from each other, I can think of you and smile. I can unlock my heart and take out all of our beautiful stars for a few moments, admiring them and all they represent. I can let my love for you well up in my eyes again, and these memories can wash over me like a cool lawn sprinkler in the heat of June.

Even though you and I crashed and burned, it was all worth it. Every beautiful second was a blessing, and I will always be thankful for us. No matter how terribly this hurts, I would do it again and again, millions of times. So keep sleeping, baby. Keep letting me admire you, and letting my eyes caress every inch of your heart. I’m going to need this later on. Let me cry over us in the light of these champagne scented candles.