Changing

Another day at Lincoln High School for an invisible girl like me just trying to make it through junior year. Today is the first day back after spring break and I am not looking forward to it. Here I sit in my room, in a small suburb in Indiana, after getting ready for the day. I told myself that this was gonna be the year that I would stop being invisible to everyone around me. And that I would do something with my life and have fun in high school like everyone else.

“Becca, breakfast is ready.” I hear my mother yell from downstairs. I want to roll my eyes but I don’t feel that annoyed. I don’t really feel anything anymore. Not since Mom and Dad got divorced. It was the big talk of the town since Mr. and Mrs. Cook are, I mean were, the towns biggest and most successful love story. They were high school sweethearts who became lawyers together and opened up a practice here in their home town of Haven. A predictable story from a small town I know but I loved seeing my parents in love and together. It made me happy and now I am just numb. Things are so different, too different.

I walked downstairs and sat the table with my mother and ate a quick breakfast of toast and eggs while she worked and talked on the phone about a case she was on. I guess today is another day of no conversation with mom before I leave the house for seven hours.

Once I make it to school I head inside and go straight to my locker to retrieve my most prized possession. I pull out my notebook, but this isn’t just any notebook. It’s my idea notebook. I put all of my story ideas and sometimes just my thoughts and feelings.

“Did you read it?” I looked up and there was Marcus Avery or “Marc.” He returned my notebook to me before the end of the day when I left it on my desk in our last period. Marc and I use to be friends a long time ago. Something changed when we go to high school. A change that happens to everyone who has a close friends in elementary and middle school until they get here. He became a jock and I became the loner or as I like to refer to myself as a dreamer.

“Read what?” I asked quietly. Still wondering what he was doing talking to me. We weren’t friends, not anymore. His question made me curious about what he did with my book before returning it to me. “Did you read my notebook? Marc, if you did that is a huge invasion of privacy. I know I left it but I was on accident. That was not an open invitation.” I stated.

Marc looked appalled that I even suggested that he would do something like that. Which makes me feel bad for a couple seconds, but I still need to hear his answer. “Becca, I wouldn’t do that to you. We may not be friends anymore but I know how important that book is to you. I thought you knew me better than that. I play a sport and have more friends but I am not different, Becca.” I knew what he meant but I didn’t mean to judge him. I just know what I see and I see that he has changed. I felt awful for judging him. I can see on his face that my judgement hurt him.

He sighs and shakes his head and says “Just read my note, I left it tucked inside the first page. See you around.” Then he walks down the hallway to his first period. And I am left feeling slightly guilty about rounding him up in a stereotype. I open my notebook to the first page and see the note. I unfold it and start reading the note out loud to myself.

“Becca, I know that we haven’t talked or really hung out a lot since we started high school. But I want to change that. I would have changed that sooner but I got really busy with school and baseball. Then your parents divorced happened and I knew how much you looked up to them. You look sad and I know you don’t have any friends here. I just want to be a friend to you. A person you can talk to. I don’t want you to go through the rest of high school with no friends and not having done anything memorable. I want you to make the most of life and be my fearless friend again. Remember her Becca? You used to not be afraid to try anything or have fun. I want you to have fun again. I’ll be here for you when you need me to be. Just remember that.”

I finished reading the note just as the warning bell rung. I put it in my note book and the book in my bag. I thought about what Marc said in the note and though I might have to think about him and I being friends again little more thought, I do remember how I use to be. I use to be kind of a tomboy and would try anything in school and outside of it

I want to start living again and I know just what to do about that. I don’t know if I am ready to join a club or a team just yet but I can take a baby step. So I close my locker and turn around and walk right out the front doors just as the final bell rings. Marc is right. I’ve been numb for too long. I really need to start living my life again. Life is always gonna have obstacles and things that will change us or the people around us but I can’t let that affect me forever. I am pressing the restart button on my life right now. Thank you, Marc Avery.