Chivalry Is Dead...Or Is It?

In this "hook-up" culture we live in now, it's no surprise that chivalry is completely dead. Perhaps my parents were old fashioned, maybe growing up in a tight-knit family resulted in me learning different values. Regardless, the women in my life have always preached the value of being a gentleman, chivalry, and etiquette.

From my grandmother to my sister, you'd better believe I learned my lessons. But why does it seem impossible for men to convey simple acts of chivalry? Something I consider to be normal.

As I talk to various people in my life (friends, co-workers, etc.), there is one constant theme I hear. It's things like: "Dating is dead", "Who goes on dates anymore anyway?", "Calls? It's all text messages nowadays", "It's all about hooking up, getting a girl's number, grabbing a drink and getting down to business."

Really? I honestly think I'm the only single guy I know that actually takes a girl out to a restaurant on a first date. I think there's a reason for this.

If you take a girl out and show her you're more than some jerk looking to just get in her pants, odds are, you're probably going to get a second date. Call me old-fashioned, but a nice dinner is well worth the money to get to know someone to some extent.

For me, it's not the money that's the issue. However, I get why people are stingy when it comes to going out with people they don't know. Hey, I get it. Everything costs money. But honestly, what's the big deal? Treat yourself to a good meal, and if you're in good company, why wouldn't you take a girl out to a nice dinner?

All I know is, everywhere I look, I see fewer men treating women the way that we're supposed to. I mean, what happened to the days of going out and paying for dinner, pulling chairs out and holding doors open? What happened to simply walking on the outside, closest to the street? In our society today, it seems that there is this huge lack of chivalry that now only exists in old 80s movies.

Gentlemen, where did we lose our chivalrous touch? When did it become acceptable to just text a girl, inviting her to come straight to our bedroom? Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining about those instances, I'm just saying, why have we strayed away from our inner "knight in shining armor"?

So, in an attempt to get through to this new dating culture in our society, I have created a list that the "good guys" can do to show they are interested in a girl, in a respectful way. Imagine taking that 80s movie chivalry and putting it in the present day. Here we go.

1. Text Her Goodnight and Good Morning

This may seem like something only people who want to hook-up do, but let's be real it is nice to know that your crush is thinking about you. This will also ensure her that you like her, which is the first step in starting a healthy relationship. Be warned, I would keep this for certain days and don’t be excessive with this. It can become a habit and repetitive and that's when it loses it special factor.

2. Ask them to hang out, without having ulterior motives.

It seems that in our culture today, "hangout" means "let's have sex". This is not always true. Sometimes the girl just wants to come over, watch a movie, and talk without the guy trying to get her in bed. By doing this, you will be in her good graces, which can be very beneficial, and there will be no pressure to do anything sexual. With sex off the table, there will be no pressure that night. You can both just have a good time, enjoy each other's company and get to know each other better. Just as it should be.

3. Pick up the phone and call her.

With technology nowadays, our society has definitely evolved into texting and now even Siri will write and send your texts for you. Believe me when I say that there is nothing wrong with a good old-fashioned phone call. For starters, it is much more personal and it actually lets her know that you are interested in her on an intimate and relationship level. The physical phone call gives off the message of "I really like you, I want to talk to you, and get to know who you are". Whereas if you were to text, it says "I’m bored and I want to have sex".

4. Learn How to Ask a Girl out

I understand that this can be very intimidating and that all of the pressure is on the guys in this situation, but just be a man and ask a girl to dinner or lunch. Go up to her and ask her in person or just simply call her, don’t settle for a text. Again, I know this can be daunting, but this is how dating has been done for decades. I can guarantee you, as long as the woman isn't in a relationship, she will take you up on this offer because this doesn’t happen very often anymore.

It is refreshing for her to see a guy take the lead and make the first move. It's a bold move and something she'll remember. Even if she turns you down, know that you took that chance, gave it your all, and move on to another girl who appreciates your time. Side note: I know this might go without saying, but the guy should pay for the first date. All the dates after that, are not required. That being said, ladies, You have to get it out of your head that he has to pay for everything. You don't have an endless bank account and neither does he.

5. Know What You Want in a Partner

This is a challenging task. Especially for those of you who are new to the dating game. First things first, know the qualities you want in your significant other. Pick someone who will challenge your character and makes you an overall better person instead of someone who tries to control you and treats you like a doormat. Relationships are a two-way street, so both of you should act as such. You need to be a team and work together instead of always trying to please the other person.

6. Show her you actually care and want to spend time with her.

Go all out and do something nice for her. Make her feel loved and wanted. Listen to her, take her likes into consideration, and actually try to make her happy. Now, ladies, getting back to the two-way street thing, it goes both ways. He shouldn’t always be spending money or doing nice things to make you happy, you also need to step up to the plate and do the same for him as well. Trust me, this will definitely score some points with him.

7. Be the Guy She Wants to Show off to the World...And to Her Parents

Show her you care. Treat her with respect. Spend time together and find common interests. Be the person she loves spending time with and wants to show off to everyone. Be there for her when she needs it and sometimes even when she doesn’t. Tell her she’s beautiful, even when she’s wearing sweatpants and feels like she's at rock bottom.

Don’t be afraid to take risks sometimes and just have fun with her because that's ultimately the only thing that matters. Spend time with the one who makes you happy. Even if this relationship is not the one that lasts forever, you should be spending the time with someone who genuinely loves spending time with you and wants to be with you and vice versa.