Clyde

I was younger, trying to "fly too early," in his words, but I knew it was something that wouldn’t go away. I still know that. He’s told me he doesn’t understand what this is. What he is to me, what I am to him. In six years have we ever known? Will we ever know? Will I ever be Bonnie? I want to ask if I will ever be his, but I know in some dysfunctional way that I already am.

I have so much to say to him, but in reality, I say so little. I’m afraid to talk to him because I don’t know how to talk to him, how to say what I’m thinking. I feel intimidated by his vast mind, the way he sees things, it’s so beautiful to me. I don’t think I could get my thoughts out in a fathomable way even if I wanted to; I can never make sense of them myself, not when it comes to this.

It’s the most confusing concoction I have ever tasted… but it’s the most addictive. It’s never left me, but I’ve become so good at locking it up and pretending it doesn’t exist. I almost believed it didn’t exist. If the smallest part of his energy finds a part of mine, I lose my self-control, I lose sense of…

I lose sense.

I become vulnerable and fall back into something I’ve been trying to get away from. And everything becomes based around this magic.

That’s what’s happened now. After quite a few years of keeping him at arm’s length, he found his way back in, back into a different me, but this is the same? I didn’t fight it this time and I don’t know why. He told me to make time for him when he got back from his adventures, so I did.

He then took me on our own 24-hour adventure and it changed me, or unlocked that part of me. I don’t know which. I know that even though nothing extraordinary happened, it's a part of my tapestry forever. He showed me a small part the free life, the life he knows I want. He showed me family, excitement, passion, the stars, the waves, the past and the future. He let me feel safe, what it really feels like to be safe. He could feel it too; he knew there was no doubt in my trust for him.

I returned back to my reality after, like no time had passed, finding that I can’t complete my everyday tasks because my mind is engrossed. His words ringing in my ear clear as day, his eyes constantly staring back at me. His scent so readily accessible every time I breathe in, his touch stained on my skin. My wants and visions, warped to duplicate his… expanded to include him.

Whilst there are so many thoughts when I am in his presence, so many feelings, emotions, stimuluses' and things I can’t put into words. I am calm; I am content, I am happy.

I don’t know what happens next, but I’ve been told to follow it. I want to ride.