Colorless

The flowers died on Monday.

The nurses tried to take them away, but I wouldn’t let them. How could I? He brought them for me. He knew how dark and lonely this room had become for me. He knew I was feeling low. So he brought me a little something to make me smile.

Those flowers reminded me of how we met on that glorious morning in the park. The sun was shining that day. It had rained the day before so the world felt fresh and new. I was laying on the grass listening to Soilse in Darkness, it is one of my favorite cello pieces.

Then Pepper came bounding over and started licking my face. Oh, how I miss Pepper. She was just the sweetest, most loving companion. He was mortified of course; he hadn’t realized she had left his side. I am eternally grateful that Pepper learned to escape from her harness. Would we have met if she had not?

He picked a daisy for me as an apology and asked if he could take me to see a comedy show that night. His brother was supposed to go with him, but he had gotten sick. I don’t know why I said yes; I normally don’t agree to go anywhere with strange people. I’ve never been an overly social person for that reason. Perhaps it was the genuine kindness I saw in his pale blue eyes.

I wish I had known then how much I would come to depend on that man. I wouldn’t have pushed him away for so long. I needed him, even back then. But I didn’t realize how having him by my side would help ease my burdens. I thought I was too busy for him. Fortunately, he was always a patient man and he wasn’t willing to give up on me.

He wanted to spend his time with me. He would come to symphonies with me, even though I knew he wasn’t particularly fond of them. I asked him why he came with me so often if he didn’t particularly enjoy them. He said that although he probably wouldn’t attend a symphony on his own, he loved spending time with me. He loved watching the joy on my face as I heard music that moved me.

I learned to enjoy our time at museums. I’ve never been a huge history buff, but he certainly was. He loved history, watching him walk through a museum was like watching a child at Christmas. He could go on for hours about different aspects of our world history. He was particularly fond of Greek mythology and their history.

We both loved going to sporting events. I have always been a huge volleyball fan and he always followed baseball closely. But what we liked the most was watching those sports together.

Of course, we didn’t always agree. We certainly have had our fair share of arguments and disagreements. I don’t think two people can ever be in complete and perfect harmony all of the time. But we chose each other each and every day. We both had opportunities to apologize and opportunities to forgive. And we always chose to do it. That man is the love of my life.

It was a drunk driver that did it, you know. I wish I hadn’t sent him home to get me that stupid book. I didn’t really want the book. I just didn’t want to make him watch me cry again. So I asked him to go home and get me that stupid book; I didn’t know that meant I would never see him again.

I don’t know if there will ever be color in my life again.