Communication Is Key

There comes a point in every relationship where trouble is inevitable. Problems arise, you feel stressed, and you both have different plans for your future, whether it be school or work, or any other contributing factors. You argue, stress yourselves, and say things you can never take back with a simple "I'm sorry." I've written this article to help you get a different perspective on what's going on with you and your significant other, and how to change that through types of communication.

Growing up, my mother had trouble with all her relationships, even now. What I could never understand was why. Sometimes I thought she just picked the wrong people. Other times I thought it was her. But now I understand that neither of those is completely true. True, she picked the most stubborn people I've ever met, and yes, she was just as stubborn, but their real problem beneath that was that no one was communicating with each other.

Relationships are challenging. Let's go ahead and get that out there. It can be hard for some to handle their personal life and adding the life of another human being to it as well—not to mention the question of marriage, kids, etc. You can plan it out or go with the flow. But as your relationship progresses, don't forget this: communication is key. It's what holds you together with your partner. It's the kind words, the physical contact, the body language you give off. Everything is communication.

People speak different "love languages," as many call it. Your partner feels more loved when you do one thing compared to another. As Gary Chapman describes in his book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch are the five preferences many have for how their partner shows their love. These are all considered communication in a relationship.

Now you don't need to purchase this book to become an expert on how to love your partner. What you do need is to remember that they want to feel loved. I personally like hearing my significant other say nice things to me, while he prefers physical love. Not necessarily sex, but more holding hands, kissing, etc. Not to say I don't like that, but we both have are preferences for what's #1.

Reading up a little on these 5 "love languages" and taking note of what your partner prefers or even going out of your way to ask them really makes a difference.

One thing to also remember in a relationship is to understand when it's time to voice your feelings, and when it's time to keep it to yourself. Honesty in a relationship is key, but you don't have to voice every thought. You don't have to call out your partner for always rambling and how annoying you find it. You don't need to mention the fact that your partner looks like they've gained weight. If your partner asks, feel free to talk about it, but avoid being mean or bullying them for it. It's unreasonable and only causes issues within the relationship.

On the other hand, if there's something your partner is doing that is causing significant stress or pain in your relationship, sit down and talk with them about it. Avoid being accusatory towards your partner. Using "I" instead of "You" phrases can definitely help.

Ex. "You never clean up after yourself."

"I feel stressed when you don't clean up after yourself sometimes because I think it means you don't care."

These sentences are flexible but avoid pointing a finger sharply at someone. That causes their defense to come up and can cause them to refuse to listen to what you have to say.

The most important thing to always remember: Say what's on your mind, but think about how it will affect your partner and your relationship first.