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Day 46: 02/24/2019
Hello my loves and welcome back to another topic. I do apologize for my inactivity. After that rough patch about a week or so ago, my medications were also adjusted. I have been extremely exhausted and just all around tired. I would wake up, go to work, and then go back to bed. Now I’m starting to feel a little bit better, so let’s pick this journey back up.
I don’t know anyone who has perfectly mastered this skill, not even doctors. I’ve learned everyone converses differently. One detail that may be important to you may not be important to someone else. That being said, we can all improve on communicating with each other.
I never used to be great at this. I used to keep everything bottled up inside until I exploded. I did this for a couple of reasons. One being I thought my voice should not have been heard. I also felt I deserved specific treatment and/or punishment. One of the biggest reasons was because every time someone did something that I didn’t like, I just assumed it was an accident. So I never corrected people and I would be treated the same way. I believe proper communication is key to healthy relationships and resolving issues.
Please remember most plans made with friends (or anyone) are not set in stone. When making general plans (i.e. to hang out) with someone there are some "dos and don'ts" for those looking for advice. If you already have a system that works for you and everyone, by all means use it.
Approach the situation by asking, “Hey Emma, I was wondering if you are available Friday at 3 PM. Maybe we can meet at the coffeehouse?”
When creating plans and events, make sure you have the date, location, and time. Things may run a lot smoother.
If you were to just say, “Hey Emma, let’s hang out later this week,” as human beings we tend to just go about our business for the rest of the week until we ourselves are available, even though we are unaware of the other person’s schedule. A lot of us who suffer from loneliness tend to see this very often. We become depressed and feel like our plans are always cancelled. We feel like everyone gives up and no one wants to see us.
When you have to cancel plans with someone, be sure to tell that person as soon as possible. If you are comfortable giving a reason, go ahead and do so. Emergencies do happen and sometimes more important events pop up. That does not mean you are not important. We all just have responsibilities we have to take care of from time to time.
This one is very simple for the most part. Obviously, you need to offer each step in order. But you also need to include all of the important details. Where to begin? How long does it take? What materials are needed to complete this project?
Communicating When Something Goes Wrong
If someone does something that hurts your feelings or makes you uncomfortable, politely address your concerns to the person involved. Don’t assume the worst, don’t be so quick to point fingers, and don’t start calling each other names. For example, let’s say a friend of yours made a comment you didn’t appreciate. Think things through before you speak. Don’t allow your anger to speak for you. Write it out if you have to.
You can simply just say, “Hey, I’m sure this wasn’t intentional, but a comment you said earlier made me feel uncomfortable. Thank you for taking that into consideration.”
Instead of saying something like, “You’re the worst person ever for making that comment. I’m really appalled.” You are only setting yourself up for an argument.
If someone refuses to change his or her actions, maybe it is best to leave the situation.
When replying to someone’s concerns, also do your best to be polite. Instead of always trying to fight or being defensive, don’t automatically claim the other person is in the wrong. Sometimes the other person may not understand they are in the wrong and instead of assigning blame we can kindly educate that person.
Try to say something along the lines of, “Hey I’m sorry about what happened and the miscommunication. I didn’t mean for it to hurt you. This is what I meant to say. Thank you for telling me.”
It is very important to speak of the good things in life. Tell a stranger you like her hair. Tell your coworker he’s doing a great job. Too often we are so quick to correct people, but never congratulate them on any progress. Remind people there is good in this world. Thank someone for his service. Start the conversation. Don’t keep on waiting.
Ask the question, “How are you?” People love it when they know someone cares about them.
So many people come to me saying they need help. That’s it. That’s the end of it. Unfortunately, if I don’t know what’s wrong, I cannot give the proper information needed to deal with the subject. What do you need help with? How can I assist you? What topic do you need advice for? What current situation are you in?
Being honest with your doctor or therapist is very important. Now, I don’t expect anyone to talk about something they aren’t comfortable with, but it would be very helpful to have as much information of the situation as possible. That way I can properly communicate advice that is more helpful than unhelpful. If you aren’t looking for advice and you just need to rant, then there’s nothing wrong with that. Just let them know. Being given advice when its not welcome can sometimes be overwhelming. And we’d never want to purposely make someone uncomfortable or upset.