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Complicated Relationships Can Be Good for Us

All it takes is looking at the other side of the coin.

Image Courtesy of Maps of India

Whether in love or searching for love, people usually have a set of expectations for what they want out of a relationship, depending on what they find suitable in every unique scenario.

Those who have yet to find their true match will have likely predetermined what sort of individual would ideally fit that role in their minds.

As for those who are already taken, it’s reasonable to assume that they continuously make efforts for their relationships to maintain their course. Nevertheless, there will be times when things swerve off course spontaneously, even if we prepare ourselves mentally for the absolute worst.

Certainly, not all problems in love have to do with incompatibility. Misunderstandings and miscommunication can happen, even between couples that normally see eye-to-eye on virtually everything.

But here, I want to talk specifically about the kind of people we should be with, not necessarily the people we’d ideally want to be with or can see ourselves with. It’s not because relationships with them will always be smooth sailing, but because they’ll want what’s best for us in the long run and will help us develop into better individuals—and of course, partners.

It may come as a surprise to some when I say that the people I’m referring to are the "complicated" ones. Now, I know that the word "complicated" typically comes with its negative connotations. The most commonly associated characteristics being "difficult," "stubborn," and "crazy," to name a few. But I’m going to show how—in a way—these can attribute positively to someone who is complex in his or her thoughts and actions.

Most importantly, a complicated person is someone who has genuinely great intentions for their partner. To clarify, I’m not talking about the people who put their own feelings aside and let their partners do what they want in order to avoid confrontations. To me, that’s when trying to be cool with everything ends up making the person look like a doormat. It is also unhealthy for the conscience to keep feelings bottled up inside.

Rather, I support the idea of a partner challenging their other half because they see the potential there for them to better themselves in the relationship. Granted, this can and does result in arguments, whether or not the timing is appropriate, but it mainly has to do with the fact that this person cares for the other’s well being and is reasonably concerned about where the relationship will go.

This person will act in the best interest of their partner, but they will also look out for themselves. This isn’t because they’re putting themselves first, but because they want to ensure that the amount of commitment they put into the relationship is being reciprocated.

Respect and consistency are predominant traits in this one. They will explicitly state their expectations from the get-go, but will always try to be respectful of their partner’s requests as well.

Relationships are an ongoing process that will never achieve total perfection, but it doesn’t mean that we should just give up and alienate ourselves when something doesn’t feel right or when a conflict arises. It is, of course, a different story if the problem is crime-related or immoral in a way that is detrimental to the person and any other parties involved, though that is an entirely separate topic for another time.

This is a person that can make their partner evaluate their goals in life and belief system. I don’t mean that couples aren’t supportive of each other in the things that they do or want to accomplish. However, there will be times when lengthy conversations about ideas and aspirations will lead to questions about what we really want and whether those desires will truly be beneficial to us. This is especially true when a significant other offers a different perspective on any topic, which can open our minds and expand our capabilities.

It would then be very rewarding to find someone who is passionate about a variety of subjects, even if they don’t always share the same opinions. Sometimes it turns into a challenge of trying to outsmart the other. This can be a good thing, as it is all part of the learning experience.

Although, this doesn’t mean that we should waste our hidden talents and abilities in favor of completely changing who we are. Our complicated counterparts would not want us to forget about the things we’re genuinely good at, regardless of whether we surpass them in our capabilities. They’re not looking to be better than us at everything. They want us to grow, try new things, and adapt to new ideas while still retaining our potential.

Cultivating a relationship in this way is no easy task. Developing a healthy communication and a strong support system does require a lot of patience and willpower, but it will strengthen the cohesion between two people and their overall happiness.

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