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It's been almost a year since I've been with my boyfriend. I warned him it wasn't going to get easy dating me. Quite frankly, it was going to be a disaster. Of course, it was nothing that he did was wrong and it wasn't what I did wrong either. It was more of the fact that someone couldn't just let go.
In order for you to understand I have to start from the beginning. In 2015, after I started my master's program, I started working for a company, in which I traveled to different Sam's clubs and Costco's promoting special items. When I was in one store, I found a friend—let's name him Bob. Now, Bob was very sweet and kind to me. He always checked in on me and how I was doing with my sales.
After it was official that I was going to start traveling to other stores, Bob got it in his head to follow me on Instagram so he can talk to me more. He messaged me every day to see if I was okay, where I was located at, and how my days were going. Soon it became routine and I got used to his company.
One day he made a comment that he was riding to Fresno to visit a friend and didn't have a way back to his car in Moreno Valley. I was like, "I can pick you up." Why not? I was up all night writing my research paper that I didn't see the harm. It was Saturday, I had the day off, and I wanted to get out a little.
So I go and pick him up and we go out to dinner and start to talk about life. He tells me he doesn't want a relationship and that he just wants a friend. I'm thinking, "That's cool. Life has already hit me with so many obstacles and I need time for myself anyways." I start to open up about my past relationships and how I want time to find who I am.
Time goes by and we spend every moment with each other. He sleeps at my house and comes to my school. We spend holidays with each other and he meets my friends and family and I meet his. I start to think it is becoming serious and we were developing into something more. I tell him I like him and he says he doesn't want a relationship right now. Of course, I am a little crushed but I am like, "Oh well, I'll be fine."
Fast forward a little to the beginning of 2016, he tells me to move in with him since I was having a rough time at home. I wanna say yes but I know I need to think about it first because if I go forward this will end badly for me. So I call my best friend Devin, who is my lovely boyfriend now, and tell him what's going on. Devin tells me to move in with him and I won't have to worry about anything except for going to work and getting my life together. I'm all excited about this because it feels like a great move. So I tell my family and when I go to tell Bob, he gets pissed. He started getting loud and crazy in the Winco's parking lot. My instant reaction is to jump in the car and get away because I'm scared to see what happens next. As I close my car door, Bob starts punching the windows and getting pissed. I drove away and wanted to let him cool off for a bit because this was getting weird.
When I finally talk to him, Bob starts saying how he wants me to live with him and I will save more and it's closer to home. I'm like, "Okay, I mean this guy seems to care and want something so why not try?" I move in and well, it's in his car. I don't know why I did it or what I was thinking but I lived with him for a few months in his car. After a while, he started to act like an asshole to me and I started to notice he was calling other girls and sending nude pictures to other girls. I was devastated and was done.
I moved back in with my sister and started to ignore Bob and put my life back together. I started working out more and feeling good about myself. Not even a month later, he announced he had a girlfriend and I was heartbroken. Here this guy had told me for years he didn't want something and he was starting something. I was pissed and was trying to keep busy to avoid him.
On November 3, 2017, Devin asked me to be his girlfriend. I was hesitant at first because I knew Bob was going to get crazy. I explained to Devin that I liked him and I wanted to be with him but he needed to be prepared for what was about to come. I tried to explain how crazy Bob was but Devin thought I was exaggerating. Sure enough, when we made it official and told a few people, Bob blew up my phone 45 times while I was driving to have dinner with my little brother after his football game. I told Devin that Bob would be at my house when we got home and sure enough, he was there. Devin finally believed me after everything that happened.
Also, a year has gone by since all this had happened but still Bob thought it was a smart idea to text, call, and email to tell me he was moving from California, that he had bought me a present and that he was leaving a box for me at Game Stop. Of course, Devin was pissed and whether he wants to admit it or not, he was hurt. It feels like no matter how great our lives are going, Bob has to find a way to cut in and destroy what we're trying to build.
I pulled Devin aside one night and started to talk to him. I wanted to address any doubt he had in his mind about me. I love this man to death and he has always been there for me. He supports me and helps with my family when things get tough. The last thing I want is for him to feel like I am going to just get up and leave him.
Life is going to get complicated and you're going to have to deal with people who are unhappy with their lives. Don't let them hurt you or intervene in your life. They can only have as much control as you give them. If you don't have a person who is willing to go through hardships with you, then it is not worth it. No one wants to be unhappy or alone, but if you find yourself hiding the small thing from your significant other then you are only postponing the inevitable. I'm very lucky to have found someone who understands's that my life is complicated and there are things that I can't change or do to prevent, but he loves me for me and so should the person you find.