Counterculture

There has always been, I think, a stigma attached to you when you identify as gay. Almost as if when the words "I'm gay" leave your mouth, you're henceforth supposed to be doused in glitter, watch RuPaul's Drag Race on repeat and believe that Lady Gaga is the second coming of Jesus, but with a more outlandish fashion sense.All of which, of course, is pure hyperbole and, in most cases, untrue. Though the last couple of days have left me wondering just why people expect that of me, especially other gay men. Allow me to elaborate.

I found myself at a local gay bar. The drinks were good, reasonably priced, and I know the staff. A few friends often go there, too. Only this time, I went alone and decided to actually make a ham-fisted attempt at socialising. Surprisingly, it paid off, and I spent most of the night with a group of similarly-aged guys just drinking and chatting. That's when I realised how little I had in common with them.

They began talking about RuPaul's Drag Race, which I believe is planning a World Tour with some dates in the UK. Most of that part of the conversation went entirely over my head. I've never been interested in the show and likely never will be. I sat through the excited chatter, essentially twiddling my thumbs. Then things turned to Big Brother, Desperate Housewives, and the Kardashians. Once again, I was up a conversational creek without a paddle, since reality TV—using the term reality loosely—doesn't interest me. I find it pretty irrelevant to everyday life.

It seems my lack of interest or knowledge on these subjects lead one of the guys I was with to make the baseless assumption that I was straight.

Now, to be clear, I'm definitely not straight. I just don't fit the stereotype that comes to mind when someone pictures a gay man. I spend most of my free time gaming, writing, watching Real Crime shows on Netflix or reading my way through whatever I pluck off the bookcase. I'm surly, haggard, and straight-forward. I like to talk about politics and about literature. These things apparently make me an anomaly in some people's minds.

That one instance of another gay guy assuming I'm straight led to me completely reassessing who I am (though much of that was likely down to the amount of alcohol consumed). Why is it that because of how I act, how I talk, and how I look, that another guy whose sexual orientation is akin to mine plainly can't see it? Is there something wrong with me?No. Of course not. It does make me doubt my ability to fit in with people that are somewhat like me. So why is it that this happens? Why is the assumption there that I have to act a certain way and have to be knowledgeable of certain things to "pass" as gay? It's ridiculous. This feeling was further compounded when I made a comment later in the night.

There was a report by some sort of tech program on the news about a new type of surveillance software for supermarkets and, as a joke, I said "That's very 1984," to which the response was invariably "Huh?" or "What?" leading to me having to explain George Orwell's novel, 1984. One of the guys then commented on how I made him feel stupid, because "everything you say just sounds so smart." That one left me confused. I'm not saying I expect everyone to know the Penguins Classics section of Waterstones by heart. I just made a joke and it left everyone stumped, which made me feel even more of an outsider.

Is this a sign that people have lost interest in books? Or that I'm old-fashioned? Or that maybe the thousands of media outlets who insist on telling the world that "Millennials" are destroying something this week, despite their hyperbole, have a point?

Or maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill and shouldn't let alcohol cloud my judgement of my personality. Maybe even all the above. Who knows?

It has still left me querying whether or not there is a place for someone with my interests in the wider LGBTQ world, because currently, it feels like a very lonely place.