Crossed Wires

Standing at 5'6", I'm only in control of 4'7" myself. The 11 inches above my neck are foreign. My mouth often says things faster than my brain can actually process them, which often portrays a different picture to my listening ear than I intended. My eyes often see things out of a lens that I’m not sure many other people can understand, let alone see. My limbic system, it's constantly in fight or flight mode and my temporal lobe often seems like it does not exist. My amygdala has a good memory, however often has trouble paying attention.

In my adult years, maybe even younger, I made a pact to myself that I wanted to go on a journey, an adventure to find myself. Along the way I wasn't going to apologize for anything, not anymore at least, as long as my initial intentions had the best interest for the person at hand. I promised myself that no matter what the repercussions were, I would always be unapologetically myself. I would wear my heart on my sleeve and feel confident that love and life are the same.

The 11 inches above my neck aren’t always in sync with the bottom half of me. My brain seems never-ending, colorful and free spirited. My heart is literal, black and white and protected by a cage of bones. My heart is made of so many parts and they all have to work in perfect synchronization. Although it only weighs somewhere between 7 and 15 ounces, my heart pumps roughly 2,000 gallons of blood through my body daily. There’s a reason why they say invigorating things and intense feelings get your blood flowing. The overwhelming thought of the oxygenated blood independently navigating from my lungs and rushing into my left atrium is rejuvenating.

My heart doesn’t ask questions, it never lets me down and without question or doubt, without jealousy or spite, will graciously keep me alive. My heart is working hard, all day, daily, what appears completely effortless but is actually extremely tiresome. Generally speaking, the heart thrives off giving. Giving blood to every vein, artery and capillary in my body, from head to toe and never seeking anything in return. My heart is selfless.

My eight pounds and 22 square feet of skin encloses two of the most opposite but beautiful parts of my body. My brain and my heart. They often disagree and this is where the disconnection happens. This is when the 11 inches of my brain detach from the rest of me. My wants, needs and desires that come from my brain and my heart are extraordinary. My hypothetical perfect future life from my brain's perspective is completely different from what my heart is yearning for, and visa versa.

We’re lucky when we find something that mutually aligns us so the brain and heart could be parallel. There aren’t many things in this world that have that intensity and power. The unconditional love for something is the only time your head and your heart will sync. To love something unconditionally is without thought, control, or reason. It doesn’t need to be said but felt. It can do no wrong and you’ll always protect and respect it. Think about family, hobbies, children. Nothing compares.

The constant push and pull of thoughts versus feelings causes confusion but, at the end of the day, the only things worth sacrificing your heart and your brain for are the things that align and connect the 11 inches above your neck to the other 4’7” of you; otherwise, what would be the point?