Crossing That Bridge... Maybe Not

Let’s start with some background: We dated off and on for over three years. Lived together, then didn’t, then did and then didn’t... you see the pattern here. And you might be thinking why? Well, to start, I’m 10 years his senior, and was going through my divorce when I met him. I’m also a mom, and he has no children. When we met, I was with my son at the time, and so he had the full picture from the start. I can honestly say I was flattered when he gave me his number but didn’t expect much to come from it. I was 38 and he was turning 28 in about a month. So you can see why I didn’t expect it to last as long as it did. He was charming, omg was he charming. Things were great.

Fast forward to February, the beginning of his pattern, I get a message one night on Instagram from a girl. This girl was his “best friend” who he lived with after he moved out of his exes. I knew of her and didn’t think much of it. Well, I knew she was crushing on him hard just from the way he said she was always texting. So anyways her message was to tell me about “them.” So I told her to call me and she could tell me. After this call, he came home and I very calmly told him I would not be a part of some silly triangle. If he wanted her I understood and we could just part ways. BUT if he wanted to be with me that whole relationship would need to come to an end. I get friends with benefits, I’ve had them myself. However never did we eat each other out once we found ourselves in relationships with other people. We gracefully fell back and wished each other good luck and remained just friends.

Now fast forward again, that call would not be the last one or the last girl/woman I would have to deal with.

He was/is a serial cheater and liar. And the women... some of those women, a lot of them, were tragic or just downright disrespectful and disgusting. Some of them knew he had a girlfriend he lived wit, and still didn’t care. They’d seen pictures of me and it didn’t matter to them.

This was an ongoing battle up until this past February when enough was finally enough for me. We had a huge argument because I found a card from his meddling ex. He had seen her several times behind my back. I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. How can women do that? Break up homes and families and just not care? I suppose they think they’ll (both him and these knowingly women) never have to reap what they sow but karma never forgets.

I couldn’t believe what he’d put me through over and over again.

Now during this time, I worked at a local gentleman’s club as a bartender so I met lots of people. One man, in particular, was always polite and friendly and never outline. We exchanged numbers and texted a few time always innocent hellos and how is your day type things.

One day this man decides to tell me he really really likes me and wants us to see where this goes. He follows it with his story. I was in total disbelief and very upset. He had a family, three children, and a common law wife! Oh, but he hadn’t been happy for years, and yes they still sleep together. Are you kidding me!!!! You really think I’m going to be ok with this after I have told you what has happened time and time again with my ex!!!

You can’t possibly think I will be a willing participant in this horrible web your about to spin. As a woman, I will not help you hurt this woman at home who has spent years building a home with and for you. Who has raised your children, built a life with you and has no idea this is what you’re doing.

All this made me question men and dating. Is this what it’s like now? Is this the norm? I just can’t bring myself to do this. I’ve told him over and over I won’t have anything to do with him romantically and if he was really as unhappy as he says then why hasn’t he done something about it. Instead, to me, he is looking to cheat and lie to this woman and expects that I’ll just blindly go along with it. Oh No, I can’t cross this bridge I think to myself. I think it’s time to burn it instead. I’d rather be alone, not alone but single and focus on me. I’d rather be a woman who is not out to hurt another woman, but rather walk away from a man who doesn’t deserve what I have to offer in a relationship and probably doesn’t deserve her either.