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Dating: Casual or for Marriage?

Pursue whatever path best fulfills you.

By Micky ThinksPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Imagine living in the home of your dreams. It’s 9 AM, you’ve just opened your eyes, and you roll over in bed to grab your phone from the bedside table. Only a few new emails and social media updates. You put the phone back. And you turn back over.

You realize you’ve made a mistake.

And it’s lying right next to you.

For three or more years you’ve convinced yourself you were happy. Or at least content. But you can’t ignore this nagging feeling that this won’t end well. The façade can only last for so long before the feelings go completely cold and you’ll end up feeling even more remorseful that you didn’t put an end to it before allowing it to continue for so long.

This encapsulates how so many people wake up each day. Regretful, resentful, bitter, and angry towards the very person lying next to them—the partner they were supposed to cherish forever. They resent themselves for feeling this way about their significant other and the cycle of insecurity continues. Perhaps they had an inkling before it all began that the relationship wasn’t meant to be. They were incompatible, too much alike, or not enough alike. They may have pondered it for a while but to appease the expectations of friends and family, they stuck with it. And three years later, they wish they never had.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher. Those statistics alone are enough to give pause. Many couples feel pressured to enter marriage because they have dated for a period of time and it’s “the right thing to do.” Others are duped into believing that tying the knot will preserve the fragmented pieces of an already broken relationship. For a myriad of reasons, people rush into marriage and long-term relationships before they’re truly ready. Many enter marriage during their early twenties, one of the most transformative periods of their lives. Some people are just finishing college, others are jumpstarting businesses, and an adventurous few choose to travel the world. Everyone's life evolves at a different speed and that's the key issue.

Because every person matures at a different pace, every person will be prepared for marriage at a different point in their lives. For one individual, settling down at 25 is comfortable. But for another, it could be far too early and cause more distress than necessary in their lives. There is no right nor wrong way of "doing" life. The journey is personal. Casual dating may be the best option for some people but they choose not to do so out of fear of being judged.

There is a societal misconception that casual dating breeds infidelity, promiscuity, and inevitably wastes time.

Not true.

A casual relationship doesn’t necessarily involve cheating on behalf of either individual. In fact, marriage does not ensure that either party will not cheat in the relationship. Infidelity is not exclusive to casual relationships.

There also tends to be the idea that a consensual casual relationship makes the parties more promiscuous than most. There is an assumption that agreeing to casual dating means agreeing to casual sex with partners both in and outside of the relationship, which couldn’t be farther from the truth. The institution of marriage has been placed on such a high pedestal that people have convinced themselves it is invincible to promiscuity and infidelity. Celibacy can even exist within casual relationships. Not every person in a casual relationship is a sexual deviant with no boundaries or morals.

Lastly, there is the assumption that casually dating wastes time. However, if two people are consenting to the casual relationship, it can be everything but a waste. The differentiating factor is consent. As long as both parties are in agreement on the terms of their relationship, it can very well be successful. Conflict arises when one person is content with a casual arrangement and the other party is looking forward to a longterm relationship. However, as long as both are on the same page, neither will feel any time is being wasted together.

Move at your own pace. Do not feel pressured to pursue longevity in a relationship simply because of your age or the expectations others have for you. Doing so will only leave you and your partner unhappy further in the relationship. It is certainly okay to prefer casual dating and casually have sex! (As long as you are doing so safely.) Prepare for marriage whenever is best for you and if you choose to never settle down, that’s perfectly okay too. Pursue whatever path best fulfills you.

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About the Creator

Micky Thinks

I claim this space as my corner of the net to express my deepest feelings and most sentimental thoughts. Not all opinions shared will be popular, thus the pseudonym. But it is my hope that others (if only one) can connect to my strife.

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