One of my biggest wake ups I had recently is that I noticed dating is no longer exciting to me. It’s become extremely difficult to develop feelings for anyone! I would go on a date, have some good laughs and drinks, say goodbye… or hookup… and then I would lose interest by the next morning. At first, I thought “maybe I just need to stick it out longer, and then my feelings will grow for them,” (like I did with my first long term relationship) but that didn’t work… Instead I grew more annoyed with each guy and didn’t care for them at all.
It has now been three months since starting my dating cleanse, and in all honesty, I feel great! I could have never imagined how much I would learn about myself from just simply taking a break from dating. When I had reached the two month point, I made a list of things that I learned from looking back on my past relationships.
- Don't date someone you think you need to change.
- If you aren't happy with your life, don't date someone thinking that will suddenly make you happy.
- Don't make your rebound a serious relationship.
- If you don't feel physically or sexually attracted to the person then don't be with them.
- When the only time they kiss you or hold you is when they want sex then you're not even in a relationship.
- If you have recently had a huge life transition don't rush into a relationship. Figure out what it is like to live your new life and just make some friends.
- Don't introduce them to your family until you've been dating for at least a month or two.
- Don't date just because all your friends are.
- If you are lonely, don't start a relationship just to fill that void
- Make sure you love yourself first before you fall in love.
Now that I have reached the third month of my dating cleanse, I have started to focus more on who I am as a person rather than reflecting back on past relations.
Something I have learned about myself is that I am bisexual, which has opened up a lot of interesting feelings in me that I never knew were buried down. I feel like a much more open person and that after I realized this about myself, I was actually able to love myself a lot more than I ever had before. For a very long time I believe I knew I was bisexual, but I had only ever dated men and was only ever in search of dating men, and I never wanted to have to admit to myself that there were things about me that I didn't fully understand or know. I had also grown up in a community where being gay or lesbian was accepted, but being bisexual was seen as someone who doesn't know who they are or what they want and that really affected me in ways I never realized until this year. Thank you, dating cleanse!!!! Without taking a break from dating I would have continued to only search for men to date and would have never had the chance to realize who I fully am.
I've also discovered that I much more introverted than I thought I was... I always thought I was a very extroverted person. Sometimes I have days where feelings of being held and knowing you're loved rush back into my body and I want to quickly download a dating app to find that again, but then I take a step back and realize that I still have a lot to learn about myself before I fall in love again. I just want to fucus on building amazing friendships that will last for years rather than always trying to rush and force myself to date somebody.
As each day goes by, I am becoming a stronger, more independent, and wiser woman. I look forward to someday finding someone to date and fall in love with again, but until that day I still want to aim for my goal of not dating until after I graduate. Even after I graduate, I don't want to make it my goal to date someone but rather to wait for it to happen naturally and find someone who loves everything about me and I them.
I hope you've enjoyed my update and please feel free email me on the contact page! Also feel free to check out my other blog page at theshannabananablog.com