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Dating Is Legit Horrible

Dating as a trans man

By Kennith VinyardPublished 5 years ago 2 min read
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My baby brother (left) and me (right) at a pride in Oklahoma City 

When I was the tender young age of seven I knew that I wasn’t a girl. I loved how much I looked like my father and that you couldn’t tell my gender unless my mom put in those God forsaken barrettes. I was a huge tomboy well at least that’s what my family chalked it up to, so my mom didn’t mind me liking the outdoors and video games or fishing. What she didn’t understand was my anger and crying fits when she forced me to wear dresses with stockings or flat-ironed my hair to make it look more feminine. We fought from time to time because all I wanted to wear was my jean skirts that covered most of me or my basketball shorts and a raggedy T-shirt.

I didn’t reject everything feminine. I loved getting my nails done and I still do. I adore heels especially stilettos, which I still wear. I never saw jewelry as having a gender limit and the same applies to makeup so I wear both of those with no problem. Beauty for the sake of beauty without tying into gender has never been a trigger for me. I still like and wear these “feminine” things. My family has gotten used to it. I’ll wear flannel and some black jeans with lipstick on, my nails did and possibly my favorite pair of wedges. I know what I’ve always identified as, and I know what I’ll always like to wear. That won’t change just because I finally get the body I’ve yearned for.

Alright, now that that’s all summarized I can hit the main point and problem; dating as a trans man is fucking hard. Not to say dating as a trans woman is easier; it’s not. But from the only experience I can give you, which is the FTM side, dating is hell. It’s hard to bring up the fact that your trans first of all. Rejection hurts like a bitch and leaves you feeling like something is wrong with you, like your defective. Another bump I’ve constantly hit is that a lot of people figure you have to look a certain way in order to be a trans man. That logic is fucking dumb but I digress. I’m never going to fit in that right ass box of what is “masculine” ever. Doing so would only hurt me in the long run, since I’m lying to myself to please someone else.

Also one would assume that it would be easier to date since I’m pansexual and my opinions are pretty open, but somehow that has made it so much harder. Gay men don’t see me as male enough, lesbians see me as a man (which they are correct in that. I don’t know why I keep trying with them it’s never going to work), bisexuals see me as this in between kinky experiment, and lastly other trans individuals have the highest fucking standards as if we both aren’t in the same ass awkward situation. This isn’t even mentioning that the LGBTQA community tends to like to pretend the T in there doesn’t exist. Somehow pride made me feel more excluded than included.

In summary, dating while trans fucking sucks. I haven’t given up, but damn it I’m close to just being a hermit with two dogs that does nothing but work and play video games.

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About the Creator

Kennith Vinyard

No one actually warns you how difficult and confusing adulthood really is. So now I’m 19 going 20, single, transgender, and more fed up with the world than I was at 15.

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