Dealing with a Heartbreak as a Man

Heartbreak is one of the most complex issues I believe one can come across in their life. It is a feeling like no other, and If you haven't had your very own heartbreak, then you cannot begin to relate. However for as complex of an issue heartbreak is, it is not an uncommon one. In fact, it happens more than one may think. Now we've all seen the movies or read the books of a woman getting her heart broken, she deals with this trauma of her life in her own way, and finds a way to cope and move on. Often in these scenarios, her friends and family stick by her side, and she comes out to be a better person than she was before. With all of the heartbreak movies and books and even tv shows that are out, how many have to do with men?

Men are often times looked at as non-sensitive, purely masculine creatures, who are almost incapable of feeling, I believe this is because too often men are told to "suck it up," rather than to talk about their emotions. How many times have you been told something along the lines of that, Once? Twice? Maybe plus five times? Regardless of the number of times you've been told it, one time is one too many. The more a person is told something, the more a person starts to believe it, so if you tell a person to simply not talk about their emotions, the then learned behavior is to guess what, not talk about their emotions. Another issue that arises within men dealing with a sort of heartbreak is: far too often the answer from everyone around them is simply find another woman, a rebound and then move on. This isn't really fair to any party involved. Sometimes the things we are told just don't work the way others think they will.

Accept your right to feel.

What if you didn't want to suck it up, what if you didn't want a rebound, what if you couldn't bear another day on this earth, because the pain that you felt in your heart was something that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. You find yourself in an unfamiliar area, an area that you weren't trained for, and an area where unfortunately at times the support system that you so desperately crave, whether you want to admit it or not, isn't always there for you. The first thing you need to do is simply accept that you are allowed to feel this roller coaster of emotions that you are feeling. If you need to cry, scream, or anything like that, that is okay, and you are entitled to it. Acceptance, believe it or not, is the hardest part because it comes in different forms, acceptance isn't the only hurdle you need to get over though.

Evaluate

Once you've realized that yes, it is okay to feel what you are feeling the best possible thing to do is to take a deep breath, and try to evaluate what just happened. It can be anything from your spouse wants a divorce, to you was cheated on, to your significant other walked out on you without any warning and so on. The feeling comes in a multitude of different forms, from multiple different reasonings, the best thing to do is think about what just happened to you. Often during this time, you are flooded with even more emotions of things like anger, despair, numbness, and even denial of the situation. Sometimes you try and contact that person who broke your heart for any number of different personal reasons that fit your situation. They may help, they may make things worse, or they may not answer you at all. The thing to remember here is you are not alone even if it feels like it at that moment.

Let it out.

Even though you may not have a great support system, and even though you may have been told the lines of: "suck it up" or "get a rebound," someone out there, a friend a family member, someone your close to is going to be there for you and is going to care, however choose wisely. Some people can't empathize with another person and while they may try, it could end up making you feel worse. On the same note as choosing wisely you don't want to open up to somebody and then end up being the butt of the joke for sharing your emotions, those people aren't there to support you, even if they act like it. Chose someone that you feel a connection with, that you know isn't going to judge you, and that you know isn't going to be incapable of putting themselves in your shoes. If this isn't an option for you, you aren't doomed by any means. Letting it out doesn't only need to be to someone your close with and it doesn't always need to be verbal. Therapy is a great choice for many and does a lot of good in the world of helping people, another option is doing exactly what I'm doing as you read this, write. Get your feelings out on paper and look at them, don't think as you write just to write and let everything pour out of you. Do whatever it takes for you to let these emotions out in a safe and healthy way.

Give yourself time to heal.

One of the most often underlooked things you can do is one of the simplest, give yourself time to heal. Just because your now single doesn't mean you need to get back out there when you're ready you will know it. No matter what anyone says they aren't you, where are all individuals, not just men but for everyone, nothing about us is the same, were a unique species. In the time that you take to allow yourself to heal you discover a lot about you. This time is a period of rediscovering, and discovering things you may have forgotten, and things you may have not known about yourself before. Once you do this and give yourself the proper amount of time that fits your needs, and once you reach a point that at one time you didn't feel was possible, you reach a point where the pain in your heart starts to go away and the grey sky that surrounded you starts to regain some of its colors.

Acceptance and Forgiveness

Acceptance and Forgiveness is the most powerful thing, its pure and its the equivalent of taking your first breath of air after it feels like you've been drowning for so long. The pain stops, the world regains its color, and you look at a new man in the mirror. You forgive the person who hurt you, you no longer hold ill feelings towards them, and you do your best to understand how they felt in the situation. This doesn't mean that you need to contact them, this just means that you make peace with what happened within yourself. The acceptance is similar yet different than forgiveness. You accept what once was, is no longer. You accept the fact that you did have your heartbroken, and nothing will ever change that, it becomes a part of you. You know what it's like to lose the one that you thought you never would and in the very end once you've accepted that it is indeed a part of you, a wave of peace will be washed over you and the feelings of despair are no longer, you are simply just a new you.