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“We are just friends”.
Trust me guys, that sentence will NEVER make your girlfriend feel any bit better. If anything, it will only trigger more annoyance.
Guys have female friends. That is 100% normal, and I actually advocate that. But sometimes, they’d get too close and start becoming ‘bros’ & ‘bffs’.
That is still okay, but THEN, the following happened:
- You found out that your boyfriend has said a few half-truths about her, such as where they go, what they do, etc.
- You heard her reminding him (seemingly) jokingly a few times that she has been friends with him long before you became his girlfriend.
- Based on their history, both you and your girlfriends agree that she must have had (or worst still, have) some sort of crush on your boyfriend before. (Like b**** seriously, as if we girls don’t know how we ourselves are like when we crush on someone.)
- Whenever you have any arguments with your boyfriend, she is the first one he turns to.
- You heard that she, on several occasions, has advised your boyfriend to break up with you cause she deemed that you were “hurting her best friend.” (Cue major eye-rolling here!)
Not cool, buddy. Things just got real here.
If you are like me, a monogamous woman who has yet to master the mythical art of ‘trust’ and ‘forgiveness’, then you must be feeling a huge deal over a situation as such.
At this point, your jealousy is probably engulfing your entire mind, and I know, as a girl, that can be one of the most terrible feelings ever. Of course you want to trust your boyfriend, BUT YOU JUST COULDN’T HELP IT.
You might even have thoughts like these:
- Did both of them talk bad about me together whenever we argue?
- Is she treating my boyfriend as a backup lover; or he treating her as the backup lover instead? Or maybe, I am the temporary partner while he waits for her to break up?
- If he really loves me, why can’t he see that their relationship is hurting ours? So, he'd rather hurt our relationship than to cool off their friendship!?
- Ok, so he treasures his BFF so much? Fine. I shall go find my own guy BFF so he can finally know how I feel!
- Is she trying to piss me off and to have us broken up so she can have him all to herself?
Silence these thoughts and nip them in the bud. Don’t ever allow yourself to be brought down to that level of pettiness. Instead, here are some suggestions as to what to do next...
1) Give Her A Chance – Befriend Her
nnocent unless proven guilty. Give them the benefit of doubt, accept her as a close friend of your partner.
Just as how it can be a heart-breaking decision to end a relationship, ending a friendship can be equally wounding. So do not deprive your boyfriend of having a close friend. Instead, double his happiness by allowing him a close support circle comprising of an understanding lover and close friends.
Befriend her, but you should not expect to become BFF with her overnight. Just remain friendly with her and do not hold it against her for being a closer friend to your partner. However, if her behaviour ever gets dubious, see the next step.
2) Guilty As Charged – Now Get Out
If that BFF ever crosses the line, or that she turns out to be a real bad influence on your partner, then fade her out from both of your lives. But take note: don’t ever pick a fight with her or explicitly tell on her to your boyfriend. Instead, we have to do it strategically.
Every friend is a friend to you for a special reason. For example, Friend A is your workout friend, B is your party friend, C is your travel buddy, etc. Find out her main role and purpose in your boyfriend’s life and learn to take up that role yourself.
At the same time, get to know new friends and take up new interests as a couple together. No matter how long they’ve known each other, if they do not spend enough time cultivating new memories, they will eventually drift apart.
That is what people are referring to when they say "life happens."
3) Bottom Line: Be A Good Person And Be Consistent
No matter if in front of your boyfriend’s friends, your own, or your mutual friends, be truthful to yourself and always treat people with a good heart. (Unless they don’t deserve it; in those cases, then just learn to disregard them).
Do not talk bad about her no matter who you're talking to. Don’t give her or her friends any chance to twist your words, or lead you into an ugly, sticky situation.
We can’t ever control what other people do and how they behave, but we are always in control of our reactions to them.
Use that to your advantage.
P.S. At this point, take a moment to check if you, too, have been on the other end as the guy's BFF. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.