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Dear, Beautiful Mistake

Your old tricks don't work on the new me.

By Santia Desiree'Published 6 years ago 3 min read
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It's been five years since we've broken up and yet you're still here.

Still calling.

Still texting.

Asking people to call me for you.

What do you want?

You hurt me.

Broke me.

You lied.

You brought me so much emotional pain.

I want to hate you, but that's not who I am.

I want to ignore you when you say, "I miss you."

I want to laugh in your face when you say, "I still love you."

But I'm not mean like you.

As much as I want to be, I'm not.

When you say that you are having a horrible day and you just need my words of encouragement, I cave in and talk to you until you are happy again.

I continue to give you what you failed for so many years to give me.

I call it my ridiculous loyalty and my ever loving heart just trying to continue to bring peace to everyone I can.

But is it the control you once had over me that I am once again making excuses for?

IGNORE HIM!

FORGET HIS FEELINGS!

ACT LIKE HE DOESNT EXIST!

The whole world can tell me how to ignore you and forget the undying love I have for you, but I can't.

The way my heart works, if I loved you once, I will FOREVER love you.

I will admit that the love isn't the same.

You can't just walk in and charm me like you did once before.

You can't sing beautiful lies to me and I'm all yours.

Your old tricks don't work on the new me.

I will continue to help you through bad times because I'm not you.

I'm not going to leave you in the cold when I promised to be there for you no matter what.

I'm not going to make you trust me then do everything in the world to see you cry.

I'm going to help you because I love you.

I'm not in love with you anymore but you have a spot in my heart.

I don't want to see you cry the way you made me cry.

I don't want you to feel hopeless like how I felt when you took all my joy.

I'm not you and I hope to never be you.

As much as I want to find joy in your misery, I don't. I feel bad for you. You couldn't see who I was for all those years. You couldn't see love. No matter how much I did for you, for us; all you cared about was yourself. But now the tables have turned. You can't see who you are anymore and you are looking to me to help you find that person again. Well, my beautiful mistake, I am here to tell you that you aren't going to win this time. I've found the courage to love again. I addressed my anger and pain and now it no longer haunts me. I don't think everyone is trying to hurt me. I'm now ready to allow someone to hold my heart and entrust that they won't break it for fun like you did.

A part of me wonders everyday, "Why are you trying to still be with me?" When you had me it seemed like you wanted someone else. There is a saying I've heard a lot growing up: "You don't miss your water until your well runs dry." At this moment I completely understand what that means. I fought for you and you only seemed to want to hurt me. Now you are fighting to get me back.

I won in the end and I never thought I would. Now it's you brainstorming on how you can fix what we once had.

breakups
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About the Creator

Santia Desiree'

A little alien w/ a lot to say about being human 👽!

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