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Dear Broken Girl...

Dear Shattered Heart...

By Faith ZielinskiPublished 6 years ago 6 min read
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Dear Shattered Heart,

Why must you always be so fragile and breakable, like a porcelain doll? Why must you always be shown on a sleeve, despite the girl trying so desperately hard to not let you be shown? You always get yourself into trouble. You're always finding yourself broken. You keep pulsing, and beating faster and faster, and faster, especially when you see him.

Haven't you had enough damage done to you?

The girl, she keeps picking your pieces up continuously, always finding a new fragment of you missing. At first, the first time you were broken, it was a small piece that was missing and, she still had hope that she'd be able to put you back together. To start over again. She was optimistic. Hopeful that you wouldn't break again.

However, you did. The next two times — no, three — seemed to just merely be growing experiences. Sure it hurt; it seemed like the entire world came crashing down because of these experiences but, she knew that there had to be something better around the corner. So, again, she picked up the pieces in hopes for a brighter future. But every single time she had lost yet another piece of you. But it was okay. She knew she'd be okay.

This time really did it. The pain was unlike anything she had ever felt. Almost surreal. She wishes she were dreaming. She wishes the ground could swallow her whole. It burned her from the inside out. It felt like she was on fire.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO BREAKABLE? Just stop falling in love, please! There is only so much she can take. There is only so much she can handle. So, just stop feeling emotion. Stop having hope. Just stop.

Dear Broken Girl,

I know it hurts. I know you are falling apart at the seams. You have been through so much and, it's been hard for you. Time and time again, you pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and try to move on.

But this time, it is so hard for you. You loved him. You still do. You don't want to believe what has happened will be permanent. You want to have the faith that your lives can be mended back together, having things turn out the way you have been hoping praying, and believing they will.

You feel alone. You feel as if nobody in the entire world understands how you're feeling. You want to curl up into a ball and ignore everything going on around you, because of how much you hurt, and how much you wish the pain would stop. You think isolation from the world is the answer.

It's not.

Maybe at first, it is. You just need the time to collect your emotions and find yourself.

But after that, you need to find a way to move on.

I know what you're feeling right now; you think this is all your fault. If only you would have been more careful. If only you would have been able to see the end result. If only you could have seen the reaction before it happened. You're embarrassed, humiliated.

It's not your fault.

You didn't know any better. You didn't know, period. If you knew, you would have known how to prevent the problem. So please, don't beat yourself up about this. In this situation, you were the victim.

Keep trying, keep trusting in your own instincts. If you love him, despite what happened, then see if you can fix it. See if it was a mishap. Try to understand him, and hope he'll understand you. Don't give up until you know for sure.

If it turns out that the damage is permanent, move on. There are more guys out there. Sometimes it feels like they aren't for you, though. Moving on will be the hardest thing you may ever have to decide to do but, I promise, there is more happiness in the future. Have faith, be patient. It will be okay, whatever it may be.

Dear Young Man,

What were you thinking, when you went off at her like that? Do you have any shame at all, knowing that you destroyed her heart, again? She opened up to you. She showed you pieces of her that nobody ever really knew about. She was your friend. She was in love with you, too. She may still be, but right now it's as if she is holding on to her affection for you and her hope by her teeth. You really hurt her. Not only your words, but your actions. Regardless of who you are right now, a teacher, a young man, a church member, your response could have been more thought out; more tactful.

You could have also totally gone without blocking her. Did you have to do so? Did someone tell you to because of current circumstances? Whatever the reason was, it hurt her, so much. She's usually not so soft or easily bruised but, you hit her in her soft spot. She collapsed. She wants to believe that she was dumb to ever like you despite who you currently were. She wasn't dumb. Not really. She tried pushing her feelings for you away. She knew they would not be helpful for either one of you.

But, they broke through anyway. She was tired of trying to hide feelings. She would try to do so for past issues, but they'd make her ache. It used so much of her energy. It was draining. So for you, when she met you, when she began to fall for you, she just let herself, with the reminder that nothing was allowed to happen until a lot later, if anything were to happen. She accepted her state.

She feels like she should have just chosen to deny what she was experiencing. She should have just let it go. She should have pushed everything away, Maybe she would have been able to avoid your response. If only she would have just waited.

But wait, you could have gone about this differently as well. She's not the problem. She didn't know any better. She didn't know there were rules to staying in touch while still serving. It would have been nice for her to know, before any of this happened.

She can't really blame you. How were you supposed to know that she didn't know? Of course, asking questions instead of just assuming would have been nice. It certainly wouldn't have completely set her off, making her wondering what her problem is or, why people react the way they do.

So please, Young Man, if you ever read this, please know that she is sorry about everything: about putting you in an awkward situation, about giving you the wrong idea when she was trying not to, for aggravating you, for the reason that influenced you to block her. She didn't mean it, whatever she did. You mean so much to her. She needs you in her life. You both had experienced a lot together. She can't stand to lose you.

Also, please keep in mind that everyone can try a little harder to be a little better, a better version of themselves. Everyone, including you. Things could have been gone about differently on your end. There is always another way, in some way, shape, or form. Because this isn't completely on her. She needs you to see and understand that.

Please.

Me, being that broken girl with the broken heart, can't take these things anymore. I've been bitten so many times, I've been non stop bleeding. I'm drowning. It's getting harder to breathe, every single day... and yet somehow, I'm able to wake up every morning, get out of bed, and fight through this battle that continues to wear me out.

I hope everything will be okay soon. I hope this is just a phase we both have to experience. I trust you. I know everything happens for a reason. I know that this may not have been your doing. I just have to wait and see what happens when the time comes next month.

Please, don't reject me, if you haven't already.

Love,

Me, the broken girl with the shattered heart

breakups
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About the Creator

Faith Zielinski

I LOVE writing. I am headed to BYU -Idaho in September, and I will be studying art.

Working out is my go-to when life gets complicated. So is writing.

Daydreaming is a hobby that keeps me hopeful for good things to come.

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