Dear Ex #1

I've decided to write open letters to each of my exes. I felt inspired to do this for two reasons: one being Ariana Grande's new single, "Thank U, Next." For those of you who have not yet heard the song I urge you to check it out! She briefly describes each of her past relationships and what she has learned from each and how they have shaped her for the better. The second reason for these open letters is because of the fact that I actually feel as though I am currently with the man I will marry and spend the rest of my life with. I feel as though doing these open letters will not only give me closure but help me appreciate how grateful and blessed I am to have finally found the one... This will be one letter of three that I hope to do.

So let's get started! Sit back, relax and if you're really in the mood sip on some tea honey!!!

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Dear Charles,

You were my first kiss and my first love. I never thought it was possible for me to fall in love given all of the misfortunes I faced in high school. You were my first glimpse of connecting with another person so intimately and for that I am forever grateful... I think it's important to say that even though the end of us was grim and muddy I thank you for all of the great times and for opening my eyes to love.

Everything between us started off so innocently and to compare myself to a giddy school girl would definitely be an understatement. For the first time, I felt what it was that so many others described for so long and I was enthralled by that in of itself for the first year and a half of us...

But then, reality came to play. Growing up took place and the wedge of life forced itself between the two of us. I expected things of you that you at the time did not want for yourself. I took into account that as an individual, you had to grow at your own pace but yet I was confused by you not wanting to progress in order to build a greater foundation for us. How could you claim to love me as much as you said you did but yet not want to start creating a better life for yourself? I understand the hardships you faced as a child that poured over into your teens but at some point, we have to take accountability for ourselves and decide whether or not we want to fly or fall...

Needless to say, we continued to grow in opposite directions and I continued to hang on all throughout college. I wanted us to move forward so badly that I did not acknowledge all of the signs that are so prevalent now that indicated that there would not be a future for us...

I disregarded all of the instances that most folks would've walked away from immediately. Like the time when you cut off all forms of contact with me for more than a week because, "I was pushing you too hard." I had no clue if you were dead or alive and obviously you could care less as to how I would take such actions. I never expected more from you than what I would've expected from myself and that was a fault of my own by itself. Or the time you admitted you had moved on with someone else but still held onto me. I still feel that pain whenever I think about it long enough. And it's not just pain for me, it's pain for her too. I still don't think it's fair for you to have stood in the middle of a rope that the both of us were tugging on when in the end would not have been strong enough to withhold either of us either way.

Regardless, I still have love for you and I always will. You were the first to really get to know me and love me for who I was. You saw the good in me even when I could not find it within myself. And as the saying goes, it takes two to tango and you are not the only flawed one in our situation. I just couldn't take continuing to be disappointed by you. I don't regret letting us go because we learned what we needed from each other and you once made me very happy.

I hope you find the love of your life. I hope you listen to her heart as you did for me in the past. But what I hope for the most of all is that you do whatever you can to not disappoint her.

Take Care,

Kendra