Dear Ex-Best Friend

Dear ex-best friend,

I should've said these words a long time ago, but I never had the courage to speak them to your face. You were always unpredictable and I didn't know how you would react. Would you sit there calmly and process what I said? Or would you lash out and never want to see me again? I didn't know what you would do, so I bottled up everything, and that is never a good idea. You know that when I dwell on something, it never ends well. I was immature and naïve when I met you. You took me under your wing and showed me the world. You became a sister to me...but you changed. You changed a lot. You never smiled anymore. You were always telling me what to do. You never said "please." You always used command sentences or "you should..." sentences. You can't tell me what to do! No one tells me what to do! You were always getting people to pity you in some way just to get the attention that you wanted. You try to make me the enemy. You try to make me look like a bitch. I don't care. I don't regret losing you as a friend. You were manipulative and controlling. I don't know how you got people to stay your friend. I hated how smug you got when you got your way. I wanted to slap that stupid, smug smirk right off your stupid face. I resented many things about you and that resentment isn't healthy. Life is too short to hold anything against anyone.

You always had a major chip on your shoulder. You always picked fights with everyone over every little thing. Every. Single. Day. Your boyfriend wasn't happy with you anymore, and I don't know how you couldn't see it. You weren't happy! You were lying to yourself if you thought that your relationship was a happy one for the last year. He wasn't happy anymore. He didn't smile anymore. How could you not see it?! Yes, couples fight, but not every day! You made it a daily routine to fight with him about any little thing. I don't know why it took him so long to finally see that you two weren't going to be happy if you got married. I'm sorry that your heart was broken when you guys broke up. It hurt seeing how heartbroken you were, but I never thought that he would come to me after the breakup. I never thought that he would be in love with me since I met you guys. I never thought that my feelings for him would resurface. You said that I could go after him if I wanted to, but then you got to thinking about everything and you started telling me what to do again. You can't tell me one thing and then change your mind! He was free reign and I went after him. I'm sorry that you see me as the enemy. I'm sorry that I took "the love of your life," but high school sweethearts don't last. You two would never have lasted.

Both of you were hotheads and you knocked heads all the time. That is probably why you guys fought all the time. But you need to focus on yourself. Focus on making yourself happy before you can make someone else happy. I know that you will never forgive me. I know that it will be a very long time before you get over what happened, but it's in the past. Please, try to move on. Try to let go of everything. It is not healthy to hold anything against me or him. It will eat you from the inside out. It will continue to tear you apart. It is painful, I know, but unless you can get past everything, you will never be happy again, and I know that you don't want that. Every day, he and I wonder how you are doing. I wonder what you are doing with your life now. Are you still going to school? Did you find somewhere else to work? Are you eating? Are you sleeping alright? I wish that you would talk to me. I wish that I could reach out to you in some way without you lashing out at me. I wish that I could tell you that everything will be alright without you thinking that I'm lying through my teeth. I honestly hope that you will be alright. I hope that you find someone to make you the happiest that you have ever been. I hope that God has a bright future for you. You can do anything that you put your mind to. You can make that bright future happen.