Dear You...


I saw it coming, I knew heartbreak was soon to come and I had no choice but to bear it. Even through the mental step of knowing it was coming, I still couldn't bear it. I became a mess as my entire world shattered around me. Watched everything fall to the ground while I fell with it, shattered, broken, and gone forever. You didn't care if I was going to be okay, all you knew is that you wanted something better.

At that moment, I knew that I wasn't much to you. Everything comes and goes and I was just another one of your many pawns in the game. I became the pawn you used to get to the next life. You just wanted to get to the next stage, not caring about the damage you've caused to the people around you. Surely did not care that I was a part of the damage you've just caused, the damage you left for someone else to clean up.

What you don't know is that I left the damage and I don't feel like cleaning up after the mess you've made. I've picked myself up and walked forward leaving every shattered piece of me behind. I used to think you'd come back and try to fix it or clean up. Instead you came back with the same cold words you left with and froze all the damage how it was left. Who's going to clean that up?

What you also don't know is that I have been here before, and you helped me clean it up. You once rebuilt me just to turn around and shatter me once more. You convinced me that letting people in wasn't so bad and could be done good instead of harm. This harm can't be undone though, this mess will need more than one person to help rebuild. Knowing you, it doesn't matter to you, even though it once did matter to you how I was or how I felt.

Unlike the person you became, I still haven't given up on you and I probably never will. When it became irrefutable that you've given up on me it all clicked, there was nothing I could do at that moment no matter how hard I tried. In the end, you left me there to suffer by myself. You choose to find your own better days without me. You moved into a new world leaving me in the heartbreak knowing I have no way to escape it. 

You may have left me in the shattered mess of what was my world, but I will one day watch as you come back and clean up the mess you left. I will be here waiting, wondering, wishfully hoping that you will come back to the you I once knew and be the you I fell in love with. Hoping that you don't choose someone else to finish the love I started, the love I worked so hard to place there. I will forever hold onto you and all the moments we shared.

I may be here waiting but I somehow know that you're not. Although I want so badly not to feel that way I still do, nothing's going to stop it until I find the truth. The truth will clear everything up and I can't wait for the day I hear it. Hoping that this is all just a mistake and you regret what has happened, that you will soon tell me that and we can then move on and be the people we used to be. 

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