Dear You, with Love, Me

Dear You,

I'm writing to you a letter I will never send, a letter you will never read. We started of as strangers, then we became friends, then we became that something else. Now this begs the question, what are we?

You see our friends think we are something more, and they're telling me that you are confused. They say, ''He's young and he doesn't know what he wants,'' but I always thought that applied to life decisions. Like not being able to decide your career or what to eat, I thought feelings don't need to be decided on. If you like someone, you just do. Often you have little choice over the matter, it just happens. It is a change you do not anticipate.

I knew you liked me. You followed me after class and waited with me when I had plans. We were on call for hours on end and you didn't want me to hang up. You'll text me like clockwork every day, some mornings you called me to wake me up. You hugged me in a way that created rumors about the possibility of us on campus. The funny things was you smiled when anyone asked, you didn't blatantly deny it like I would. I'd be an idiot to say that I thought we were just friends.

Then one day it changed.

I understood when you told me you had no business coming to see me. When you were okay without my presence, how our conversations seem deathly like I was the only one putting the effort in. You'd talk about that other girl, the one who you said was ''just a friend,'' you'd tell me that she is really important. We would see each other on campus and you wouldn't look me in the eyes, bail on plans I tried to make.

What you didn't know is what exactly it did to me. It destroyed me, I would spent nights looking at our texts and trying to figure out where we went wrong. I would right you apologies and you would joke around making me feel like a fool. The demons I had battled came back again and I felt weaker than before.

So really this letter is less of me asking you what we are and telling you what I am. What I am to you. I know that if you like someone there isn't much you can do. It isn't a decision that needs to be made. So, here is me saying that I liked you. But also that feeling changed when I understood you weren't the man who could own up to his feelings.

It was your choice to be cold to me, it was your choice to stop talking to me. It was your choice to stop looking at me. All these choices you made, changed my feelings. So now, I know that I don't want you. Not as something more, perhaps not even as a friend. In many ways, we are back to being strangers.

With Love,

- Me