For most of us, it started when we were in elementary school. Some cutie pie caught our eye and we couldn’t wait to get to class to daydream about being with them, whether they wanted to be with us or not.
Maybe that’s why they call a crush, a “crush.” It’s not about being in an actual relationship so much as secretly wishing that we could be in one, with someone.
For better or for worse, crushes aren’t something we typically outgrow. But hopefully we learn how to handle them in a way to where we don’t waste a ton of time or end up being, well, crushed.
If there’s someone who’s currently got your attention and it doesn’t seem like your feelings are going to go away anytime soon, do yourself a favor and check this piece out. With some guys, having a crush is cool. With others? There are some clear signs that you need to get over your crush so that you can move onto someone who is as into you as you are into them.
They’re in a relationship.
There’s a line in Chris Rock’s movie I Think I Love My Wife where his character said, “You may not be able to control who you love, but you can control how you love.” Although he was a married man who had a crush on an ex-girlfriend, while your crush may be only dating someone, karma is still alive and well.
Our point? You may not be able to control who you have a crush on or how your crush starts, but what you can control is trying to pursue anything if you know he’s already seeing someone.
You wouldn’t want someone who has a crush on your man to try and make a move on them, right? Of course not because it’s dead wrong. So yeah, if he’s already in a relationship, that’s one sign that you need to get over your crush. At least for now.
You’re in a relationship.
Speaking of what goes around comes around, another clear sign that you should get over your crush is if you are already in a relationship. That said, we do think that if you are diggin’ someone else while you’re with another person, there are a couple of things that you should consider.
If the crush you have isn’t much more than you thinking someone else is attractive, smart or funny, that’s not really something to stress out over. But if you’re comparing them to your boyfriend, you’re sneaking around to spend time with them or the object of your crush doesn’t even know that you’re seeing someone, you’re on a slippery—and by that we mean DANGEROUS—slope.
Out of all the reasons why you should leave your crush alone, you already being with someone tops the list for sure.
If your mom ever told you that you should watch how a person treats a server to see how good of a person they truly are, there is a certain amount of truth to that.
Just because your crush may seem super sweet and kind to you, that doesn’t automatically mean they are that way to everyone else. Sometimes they are being nice simply to impress you.
One way to know being a good person is at the core of their being is to watch how they treat other individuals. If they’re rude to the waiter, they come off as insensitive to someone on the phone, and/or they’re really impatient while driving, whether you want to accept it or not, they are revealing another side of their personality.
One that will show up more and more as time goes by.
Is that really the kind of person you want to be with? #not
All you know is social media-related.
Social media is a funny thing. Meaning, if you only believe what someone posts on their Instagram page, you could find yourself thinking that they are perfect for you when they very well could be anything but.
Remember that people are able to control what they post on their profiles. They can add filters to their pictures, only talk about the good things that they do in their comments and can “conveniently” omit whatever they don’t want you to know. That’s why a lot of us fall for celebrities. We don’t know them personally; we only know what they want us to know.
If you’ve got a major crush on a person you only discovered via social media, either do one of two things: try and get to know them personally or accept the crush as being pretty shallow and not invest too much of your energy into it.
Don’t get caught up in the illusion of social media. It’s sooooo not worth it.
They show signs of being emotionally unavailable.
A lot of relationships start off as crushes. But here’s the thing about that. One of the great things about the “crush phase” is you can (hopefully) smoothly transition into something more—if both of you are on the same page, that is.
Before trying to move forward into a real relationship, first look for potential red flags; like whether or not they are emotionally unavailable.
Emotionally unavailable people are commitment-phobes, their dating history is super-complicated, they don’t want to discuss feelings and emotional issues, they struggle with vulnerability, and they have a hard time keeping personal and professional appointments (because they don’t even want to commit to those).
If your crush displays these kinds of issues, 8.5 times out of 10, they’re showing signs of being unable to get as serious as you would probably like them to be (with you).
Or Signs of Being Narcissistic
Even if you choose to try and work it out with an emotionally unavailable individual (good luck, BTW), if you happen to have a crush on someone who is narcissistic, we recommend you run—quick, fast and in a hurry!
Narcissistic individuals come off as being charming and totally into people at first (it’s called the love bombing phase). But once they know they’ve got you, whether it’s a month or two years from now, you’re sure to be headed for devastation.
What are some clear signs that someone is truly narcissistic? They’re extremely self-absorbed. They take a lot more than they give. They “bait” attention as much as they can via social media, talking about the good that they do in the community, etc. They have a sense of entitlement. They hate to apologize. They have unpredictable triggers that set off their temper.
And those are just a few; there are plenty more signs you're potentially dating a narcissist. If you see any of these signs, get over your crush. You’ll thank us sooner rather than later.
They’ve received bad “reviews.”
Do you know how many women have crushes on bad boys? Sure they’re sexy, mysterious, and even a little spontaneous but if that’s all that they were, they probably wouldn’t be considered all that “bad.”
If you happen to have a major crush on someone who has this kind of reputation, it’s important to do a little investigating. Ask a mutual friend or anyone else who may know them what they think—not about their looks or how charming they may be but about their true character.
If all you seem to get are sighs or side eye when his name is brought up, that’s not a good thing. Bad reviews are heads up that the person you like probably doesn’t have much to really like about them.
It’s another indication that you need to get over your crush.
It’s been months with no progress.
This is one of those subtle signs that you should probably move on from your crush. If you’ve talked to your crush about how you’re feeling and they express that they are interested in you too, that’s great! Better than great! But at some point, the surface feelings of a crush should be making a transition into a real relationship.
If it’s been a few months now and all the two of you do is flirt online or text every once in a while, what gives? Maybe your crush is seeing other people. Maybe they're too selfish to date. Maybe your crush isn’t interested in anything more because it would feel awkward taking your relationship to the dating stage. Maybe your crush is content with being nothing other than your crush.
If you want more than that, let them know. If things still seem stagnant, it’s probably time to meet new people.
They don’t like you back.
You definitely need to get over your crush if you like them but they don’t like you back. What are some of the signs that someone is truly interested in you? They initiate communication. They plan dates. THEY TELL YOU SO.
One of the biggest problems with crushes is it encourages fantasies. Because a crush is usually based on “surface level things,” we think only about the good that could happen if we were actually with them. Sometimes it never even crosses our mind that they won’t be mutually-interested or the relationship won’t work out.
Please save yourself a lot of heartache by talking yourself into believing that your crush doesn't like you simply because you like them. Keep an eye out for signs he isn't into you or she doesn't feel the same way. Find out for sure (asking them out or asking them straight up can’t hurt) so you don’t end up wasting any of your precious time or emotional energy.
If they don’t like you, MOVE ON to someone who does/will.
It’s literally “crushing” you.
While your heart is all a flutter at the thought of your crush at work, or you can’t seem to sleep at night because you’re fantasizing about your crush who is a friend of one of your friends, tell us something—how do your crush feel about you?
If they’re in a relationship, if they’re someone who flirts with you and everyone around you, or if they simply aren’t interested and you’re still all caught up in them anyway, all that’s doing is keeping you from getting involved with someone who you could actually build a life with.
If your dreams of your crush are preventing you from building a future in the real world with someone else, from being in a real relationship, it’s beyond time for you to get over your crush and get on with your life.
Stop letting your crush, CRUSH, the potential of being in a real relationship, OK? Cool.