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As someone who has been single for coming close to four years, who has become quite fussy in her search for a romantic partner, and who has thus far had very bad luck in finding a match, I should probably know a little something about the dos and do nots of dating. However, time and time again I find myself baffled by my experiences, and infuriated by the 'dating rules' that seem to apply to us unfortunate single ladies.
Maybe I (secretly) watch too many chick flicks, or maybe I'm constantly surrounded by things that make me feel like I need a significant other in my life so I can feel complete. Most of my family had met their partners by the time they were my age, 99% of my friends are in happy relationships with people they met many years ago or at University. Of course, all single women like me surely dream of falling in love, even if they deny it. Only it shouldn't define who we are, and it sure as hell shouldn't control our happiness.
I have fallen victim to the horror that 21st century dating can be many times on my quest to find someone worth being with, and I will be the first to admit that I have been very unlucky in love. I however, am and will never be willing to give up who I am and what I want out of life for the hope of being in love, and nobody should feel that they have to. I want to travel, I want to see the world, I want to fall in love with beautiful places, I want to write epic stories and make something out of my own life. If I can share that with someone, that would be incredible. But if I had to do it alone, why would that be any less special?
My biggest problem with modern dating is that it's like we are expected to follow some imaginary guidebook that tells us exactly who we should be in order for someone to love us. I'm often told not to 'put out' straight away if I want a guy to like me...
I've dated enough guys to know that making them wait does not mean they will like you, in fact for the most part they've still turned out to be colossal wastes of my time. So if I want to have sex with someone, why shouldn't I? If a guy is worth your while, and worth getting to know, he will realise that there are more important things than just a physical relationship. He will want more of you than just your body. If he doesn't, then he certainly isn't worth crying over or a seconds more thought.
If a guy tells you he 'isn't ready for a commitment right now,' what he really means is he doesn't want to commit to you because you aren't the girl for him. Stop being strung along and believing that one day he will want to be with you, because he won't, and all that time you've wasted on him could have been spent on someone worthy.
If, like me, you get asked regularly and to your despair:
"why are you still single?"
Don't feel sad about it. It's because you're not going to let anyone treat you like you're less than you're worth and you wouldn't settle for less than the very best. It's because you have your own life to lead that doesn't revolve around loving someone else; instead your life revolves around loving yourself.
Don't wait around, don't play games, be honest about who you are and what you want or how can you ever expect to get it. Take control, do what you want to do and most importantly, stay true to you. The rest will come in time.