Do Not Fall for Love's Promises

It's 6 A.M. here, and normally I'd wake up early to play Call of Duty or something like the nerd that I am, but instead a pain exists in my chest, and hopefully spilling my words on here will remove it. "Nerd" is such a funny word now. It's what she used to call me. "You're such a nerd, Gerard." is what she would say. Then I'd tell her "Well, at least I'm your nerd!" We'd laugh and tell each other we love each other very much.

The funniest part is our date. You know, the date we started dating. October 21st, 2016. That was the best day of my life. Battlefield 1 had released! But in all seriousness, you made that the best day of my life. You called me a nerd when I mentioned that video game, and never before was I proud to be called a nerd. I hadn't seen you in forever, almost 2 years. But that didn't stop me from wanting you. You moved back from Florida and came back to New Jersey; just this time you were at a school 10 minutes away. We established our relationship that night, and I promised you that I wouldn't let the distance intrude on us. You promised me the same. You left me that night with infatuation and pure awe.

I like you.

Do you remember that Barnes and Nobles that we had dates in? Oh my, those were also the best. We established each other's nicknames. You named me monkey, and I called you my princess. We got in our little corner of the store, and made out for the first time, in a public place like devious teenagers. You were my first kiss, and I was yours. You felt my shoulders and, for some reason, viewed them with awe. You loved how my shoulders felt, and called me hot. As a guy who has never heard that from a girl, my self-confidence skyrocketed. You made me feel loved, feel wanted. I can't thank you enough for that. You left me that night in even more awe, but my infatuation with you ended. Why? Because a new, more true feeling arose.

I love you.

You taught me we love meant. You showed me what love is and what wonders it could work. Despite our distance, we didn't let any of our shortcomings get in the way. You even had guys hit on you in class, and deflected their "feelings" toward you, because you loved me, and I loved you (keep this detail in mind readers, because it becomes important later on).

More and more dates, and we were basically the happiest couple on the planet. It was hard to plan these dates, however, and now I realize why you broke up with me the first time. You felt like I didn't deserve the burden of being left behind when your aunt couldn't take you to me. I understand where you were coming from. But what you need to understand was that I never felt abandoned or I never hated you for not being able to physically be with me. I loved you with all my heart and I just told myself that there'll be another day where we can try again and plan things out. I love you so much that I didn't care or I didn't let hardships get in the way. But you did.

Nevertheless, we got back together after we realized that what we had together was too much to lose. You were worth more than diamonds and money to me, and to lose you would be losing more than a petty fortune. You were priceless to me, you were worth the world to me, my world. And if we decided to just throw all of that away, then what the f*ck was the point of living? I was mad over you, absolutely head over heels just for you. But that's just being in love, right?

I gave you so much throughout our relationship. Not just my love; I mean gifts for certain occasions. For Valentine's day, I treated you to a movie, got you a stuffed monkey (because I was your monkey) and your favorite chocolates, Toblerone. For your birthday, I got you so many CD's from your favorite artists. For our 6 month anniversary, I went to Build-a-Bear and got you another stuffed monkey, this time with the sound of Darth Vader's breathing because I was both your monkey and your nerd. Christmas yielded you the most from me; I got you a collector's edition of your favorite film, Pulp Fiction, as well as an instant camera. So much has been spent on you, and you just decided to throw it away. Ladies and Gentlemen, here comes the sh*t-storm.

The initial circumstances of our final breakup are too much to explain. The details are not important, to be honest. All you need to know is me, her, and this other boy named... we'll just call him "homewrecker" for now.

So, recently me and her had been hanging out more often. We'd just go for walks, get food together, you know, normal stuff. At the same time, some random boy from her gym class appears out of nowhere!

A wild homewrecker has appeared!

And, just outta nowhere, this homewrecker starts to have a crush on my girlfriend. Of-f*cking-course.

They start hanging out together, and I allowed it.

Biggest f*cking mistake of my life.

What you need to know about this guy is that he is just about the most arrogant person you will ever meet, the most obnoxious, most show-offy piece of human trash you will ever meet. In the words of Scott Pilgrim, one could call him a "cocky cock".

With all of that mentioned, she fell in love with him. She threw her love away for me with some arrogant, obnoxious, egotistical f*ck, who had a random crush on her in the first place. AND IT ONLY TOOK HER TWO WEEKS TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM. TWO. WEEKS.

At this point, I'm suicidal. I don't know what to do. There's tears on my pillow every night. I clench my fists, hoping what I punch is the face of that cocky bastard who stole my world, my everything. He's comparable to Bowser from the Mario games; he stole my princess. But this isn't Super Mario World. I wasn't getting her back. I tried to convince her that what we had is more than what she will ever have with Mr. Homewrecker. But she had already given up on me. She had already given up on the strong relationship and memories we made together. She threw away everything we had made together for someone she knew for just two weeks. And, as the final nail in the coffin, she lied to me, and ripped my heart right out of me. She told me many times before that she hates the idea of prom and she doesn't want to go. I told her that it'll be a fun night for the both of us, a chance to live a senior year memory. But she refused. Now, I hear that she's going to senior prom with that homewrecker. Isn't it great being lied to?

I'm doing better now. But to tell you the truth, my heart aches a little. I dropped someone who I've known for the longest time. I dropped a friend who I gave my trust to. Most of all, I gave my heart and my love and my everything to someone who just decided to throw it all away.

Looking back at our relationship, I realize that I was in love with the old you. You used to be so joyful, happy, full of wit and comedic. Now, you've become something I can't even recognize. You aren't as funny as you were before. You don't text me or talk to me like the joyful, playful way you did back in 2016. You changed so much. Maybe that's why you threw it all away with me. You didn't want someone who was also playful and comedic. You wanted someone who was basically dead inside, a.k.a. Mr. Homewrecker.

From the beginning, we promised each other to have each other's back in anything. We promised that no matter what, we'd love each other till the end of time, and we promised that our futures will be together. Well those promises died the moment that guy stepped into her life and ruined mine. Life goes on however, with or without her. I just hope one day, she'll look back and realize what she threw away and what she decided to settle with. She is still on my mind everyday, and it hurts. But for final words, here's this:

In the words of famed K-Pop group BTS:

"왜 다칠 걸 알면서 자꾸 니가 필요해" (why do I keep needing you when I know I'll get hurt?)

Know who's real, and know who isn't. Don't ever fall for the promises of love and build your world off of that, because it will be destroyed and crushed. Take this as a cautionary tale. Love f*cking hurts, if you didn't know already.