Do Real Men and Women Cheat?

With human relationships, the ingredients of honor, honesty, trust, and genuine love come into making a healthy meal. But when that serving turns sour because of infidelity, mistrust, adultery, and dishonesty, the bitter end may be nigh. The common term “cheating” should have a connotation with it meaning that the cheater is actually cheating himself or herself. The other party (if their fidelity is intact) doesn’t have to be in the position of experiencing the cheat. It is the one who transgresses that should hold onto the mantle of their misdeeds.

To act without integrity in a romantic relationship means that that person is acting on a second hand level. Instead of being selfish and holding their partner up as their sole love source, such persons bring shame upon themselves and act irrationally. They can’t see themselves as full human beings so they have to take on the traits and consider not their own self-interest nor the self-interest of their partner, but reflect a self-destructive way of dealing with life. If they are to be first handed, they would respect themselves and not have to go around egoless and chasing any slut or philander of the moment. To cheat is to vice-signal that a woman or man is not woman or man enough to be honest with herself or himself. It is a psychological weakness that is at hand when one observes the cheater in a relationship. And if both partners who have explicitly stated that they would be faithful in that relationship end up cheating one another, that is just fumes for the flame. The deceit and sneaking around only add to the myriad of offenses that could occur within a romantic relationship.

When two people are not married yet exist in a committed union, that can still be grounds for the virtues of integrity and honesty to hold sway. To enter into an agreement on the basis of love is like engaging in a business contract in many respects. Both parties bring their set of morals and values. The crux of the entire arrangement is truth. The truth is the currency that is exchanged throughout a given relationship. If one or both of the parties cannot hold up his or her side of the bargain, then the deal should be terminated through mutual separation.

A cheating man or woman is an example of a self without a self. They might possess the power to lay down with any floozy in the street or the partner’s family member in some cases. But they do not hold onto full strength as a living, breathing, adult. They lack the ability to remain rational in the face of a challenge. If they are ever propositioned with favors from a potential sexual partner outside of their relationship, it should be established that such behavior may occur according to the terms set out by the two parties from the outset. Some unmarried couples sign and notarize clauses that state that the relationship is “open” and therefore the ability for both parties to participate in “extracurricular activities.”

The self esteem that is crucial to being in any relationship or even being with oneself is ultimately destroyed with the actions that one takes. In a situation where someone is single and has low or no self esteem, they wallow in a “woe is me” state and it is ever more difficult to get out of the funk. For a person with low or no self-esteem in a relationship, that might mean that they will seek relationships outside of the implicit or explicit contract and have to live with him or herself regardless of whether it is discovered that they moved dishonestly. The act of cheating is one of the prime examples of selflessness. In conventional terms, one might say that the cheater is only concerned with him or herself. This is quite the contrary. If the cheater had had been an honest selfish person, they wouldn’t have to look over their shoulder, slither around, and lie to the face of their “companion.” Instead, the selfless person takes it upon themselves to be vicious and cruel by way of discarding reality and being caught in flux. They must oscillate between knowing that they still have feelings for the individual whom they cheated on, while still being lured by the hedonism of lust.

Romantic relationships that become unromantic do so because of toxicity. When blood vessels of trust crumble in the body and neither party has the wherewithal to stand one another, then the poisonous mixture corrodes away at all levels of the union. To break one’s own moral code shows a cowardice that is apparent in any relationship gone wrong. When a man or a woman decides to skirt his or her role as an upstanding, committed, and responsible adult, that is the moment where those ties begin to snap. The cheater attempts to disavow reality with each movement made on the range of the moment. The onus is on the man or woman who decides, based on a moral weakness, to go against the guidelines of a relationship. To not acknowledge the respect of the person is selfless and self-destructive. The lack of ethics that is present with a cheater shows a lack of respect for the self, firstly. Then, it is the partner that may suffer through the pain of being lied to and disregarded.

Some people may say that the ego must be suppressed. They say that it is too selfish, too greedy, and too powerful. They would be right but not for the conventional notions of the ego. Selfishness and greed are both virtues that sustain the ego. It feeds off of rational self-interest the rapacious nature and desire for more happiness, wealth, and knowledge, just to list a few. The partner who is cheated on might lash out and call the other person selfish and only concerned with his or her own ego. This is the reverse. The partner who commits disloyalty has little to no ego and is scared to face facts. The reality will only swallow them up as they have committed an irredeemable evil. This is a type of moral infraction that deserves complete censure and excommunication from the relationship. Both parties should split ways and the moral partner ought to hold onto their virtues. From the initial date to the final day where the breakup commences, the good person in the romantic relationship who didn’t cheat, stayed rational, didn’t go out of bounds, ought to be rewarded for his or her own integrity. To the cheated, they should not concern themselves with remorse or appealing to the unknown and unknowable through prayer. The cheater must live the rest of his or her days knowing that they committed vicious acts. They might find another partner and maybe even stay devoted to them. But the stain of lies and deceit will be imprinted on their mind like a scarlet letter.

There is a timeframe where the cheater has to make up for him or herself the idea that they could go against all that is good and rational. In that amount of time, they have the choice to do the easy thing, be selfless and cheat or do the moral, selfish action. When the cheater fails to stop and think, actually plan out what the future would look like whether they get caught or not, the choice to go the selfless route will always lead to ruin. They might not die on the spot physically but their emotional motor will spun out of control and shred all of their credibility. Essentially, they would be experiencing a living death. They would be able to function and maybe excel at their career or find a new love life. But the damage to their psyche would’ve already been done. They would have to recognize that morality is the province that affects every aspect of life. The simplest idea to do something is part of that notion that has been so distorted, so lied about, and so misunderstood: free will. It is the option to live as a human being or to drop the whole thought and scavenge around like an animal. Free will in a relationship doesn’t mean “what the hell, anything goes.” It means that the series of choices that individual makes from the simplest decision to wear a certain pair of cufflinks to deciding whether a man or woman should indulge their licentious urges and break the bonds of their relationship.

Even in “open” relationships where both parties understand that they can go outside of the union, there must be a contract that states that a man or woman can only see a set amount of people beyond the original arrangement. If the person so much as enters one person more than is allowed, the offending party in the relationship should be denied, rejected, and repudiated. Romantic relationships and a integral part, sex, are too good and too pure to muddle around with all willy nilly. The psychology involved in a relationship ought to be the main aspect of the entire romantic apparatus. The mind is what guides someone to hold, to touch, to love. To shut off the mind means to abandon oneself to the woman or man in the cafe or down the street while your partner waits for you at home. That is a mental break from reality. Once the partner that is honest and straightforward realizes that he or she is being cheated on, then they must act to rid themselves of the offending party. If they show signs of altruism, bowing and scraping, and allowing apologies, then they would be just as much at fault if not more for sanctioning evil behavior.

The utter lack of reason as applied to romantic relationships is the root of the issue. Most people enter into relationships expecting passion, wild nights, and dark days. Never for a moment do they realize that reason ought to be the key to all of their endeavors. The fussing and the fighting that goes on in some relationships is a reflection of misread ideals. This does not make the two parties immoral if the speech doesn’t turn threatening or lead to force. Reason allows for both partners to view themselves as thinking beings who can brave the world together. Before even a wedding, two people can go down the path of righteousness if they are completely selfish. That means that both of them require of each other every ounce of truth and honesty and integrity. It is important to show little acts of affection, be able to laugh at each other’s jokes, or to take seriously the dreams that each person has for themselves. But the main focus is on the virtues. It is only right that honor and respect form the bedrock for any romantic relationship.

The purpose of a romantic relationship is to interact with another human being in a manner that involves mental compatibility, sexual attraction, and worship. A romantic relationship participant ought to be aligned with the mind of their partner and respect their line of thinking. Both parties should be taken by the nature of sex and how clean, pure, and good it ought to be within the context of their agreement. The one party should be able to look up to and emulate the other partner. They should be able to see their partner as an example of how to live life. The purpose driven romantic relationship would require the virtues and morals and ethics that would ensure that no sacrifices occur. This is definitely one of the most widely misunderstood concepts. Most people feel that sacrificing is a noble and virtuous act when in reality, all it leads to are death and destruction. What people mean is that they are giving up a value for another one. What they fail to see is that giving up a lesser value for a greater one is not a sacrifice but the center of ethics.

Selfishness would lead the two individuals to trade spiritual values which include integrity and honesty. To respect the goals and hopes of the opposite partner doesn’t mean you’re selfless. It means that you regard your partner enough to see that they have values that should be acknowledged and celebrated. And when most people hurl the words “you’re just selfish,” they are excluding the fact they are unconsciously selfish for recognizing that their own values had been slighted. The best way is to call an offending partner selfless for not taking into account their own system of values and also the fact that they went against them. The entire role of romantic relationships, from day one, should be viewed at like an academic exam. Is the relationship open book and/or notes? This means that both parties can go outside of the bond and bring whomever into their lives. These parameters must be established from the very beginning of the relationship.

Though cheating has been around since the earliest days of man, it does not have to continue. With the proper set of morals and boundaries set in place, any two humans who enter into a relationship have the capability to employ, reason, purpose, and self-esteem.