Don't Take It Personal

I am back to the city, after four months. I have learnt a lot about society, individuals and myself; although I am back, I keep learning.

The fact that I have been away for such a long time, got the consequence of a pretty busy agenda. I have been painting and sorting my new place, doing interviews and meeting the family I have created here.

The other day I was meeting Pol, he is younger than me, but I love the way he can put me down on earth. It is very easy to have that kind of stupid conversations about boobs and drinks, or the best place to go for lunch with someone you want to astound. From the other hand, you can also have deep conversations about life and relationships, with him.

We have been texting each other and so, while my time in Asia; but we had so much to talk about, that even the waitress had to come three times to push us to even read the menu.

We talked about this and that, and laugh about everything and nothing. In conclusion, we updated properly ourselves. The moment to talk about his relationship, came up. He had this toxic relationship where he was going on and off over and over. But... Hey! Who am I to judge?, who are you? Haven't you been, in some way or another, there?.

We used to have this joke about it, where we repeat the same conversation, with exactly same words.

Me: "So, how is it going with Shanon?"

Pol: "Oh, It’s over!” With that kind of face where you are trying to show you don't give a damn about the subject.

Me, smiling already: "Is it?" Silence. "I have heard this like thousand times by now"

Pol: "This time is for real, we are not good for each other, and I am done with the fact that we can make each other go crazy and lose our nerves."

I kept silence and smiled, as we used to do; but this time we did not start to talk about something else. This time he rushed himself to add, "Last time I told you so, was the actual last time I saw her. We blocked each other, and deleted phone numbers."

A truly XXI century murder.

Then he said, "I finally understood you, and I am very sorry for all those times I pushed you to move on, to find someone else and stop loving Don. Now I completely understand what you have been through all these years. I miss drying her hair; I miss when she put on me those face-masks, when we stayed there on silence because we didn’t need to talk. Now I start to believe I will never be able to stop comparing everyone with Shanon. I got you now."

So, when I was walking home I found myself smiling and feeling like a warm sunshine inside me. I started to smell a little bit of hope. And I also felt like a fool.

I have realised that all those small things that made me believe about my special and unique relationship, weren't so unique. We had those silent moments, where both of us were doing completely different things but just with one smile we felt connected and loved. He dried my hair, and we even had sex with our faces impregnated of that green face mask I used to put on us.

If he had those moments, and he misses them. If he compares every other girl with Shanon... means there are other people, other men and women with the same attitudes and gestures with their partners, like Don and I had, and for what I was feeling so special.

Am I finally so open to meet someone because I have realised about these things; or because of the journey I have been through the last months?