Dumbass Gets Smacked by Reality

Life really knows how to smack the shit out of you. Being a human is hard, shit, being a human in America is really hard. Breathing is even a difficult task it seems these days. I'm an 18 year old, not in college, winging it... to say the least.

I didn't want to go to college because as any teenager would say, I don't like school. I honestly thought I had some type of plan coming out of high school, but everything so far has been hell because I should've listened to my mom... but fuck that. Sometimes I wonder if the universe is just punishing me, like maybe this is just never ending karma for how bad of a child I was, how bad I was in school, and how bad of a sibling I was. Its gotta be.. thats the only reasonable reason. Right...?

So let me tell you what my dumbass did straight out of high school. First of all, I wanted to be a little badass and just smoke weed everyday, and work at Chick-fil-A for $300 every two weeks and live in my mom's house (for free), eat all her shit and go to my boyfriends house everyday (lying to my mom everyday saying I had to work, while she was at work—mind you at this point I graduated). I know right? The pothead teenage girl's fantasy dream, right? Wrong.

About a week in to me doing this, (me and my mom argued a lot by the way) she told my ass she is kicking me out, told me to call my job and tell them I wont be working there anymore, and she was sending me to live with my grandma. Of course I had to rebuttal and rebel and act like I had my shit together. So I had planned to move in with my best friend and her parents until I figured out what I really was going to do. Mind you, my best friend was going to college in two months, on top of that... I cannot believe I really thought her parents were just going to take me in. Clearly just... wow. wow. An idiot.

So anyway. I got kicked out, I clearly didn't go live with my best friend, I couldn't stay with my boyfriend because his parents knew nothing of me (we had a huge argument about this later on... I'll get into that later), so at this point, my little know it all ass is in Richmond, Virginia with my grandma... like my mom said I would be.

I got a job at an amusement park but that shit... oh my god. I have to get into that later cause that was hell.

It's July 28th, 2018. I told my dad he HAD to come get me because my grandma was annoying the shit out of me. She was one of those types that as soon as you wake up, or do anything honestly, she was up your ass about it (ex: asking me when I was going to take my dog outside, asking me to brush my teeth soon as I woke up, whatever I wore... it was "too much..." you get the idea). I couldn't take it. Call me picky or whatever or an ass, but I can't live like that with somebody trying to constantly direct my life. So he came and got me and since I've been down here, I got into two credit card scams and now I owe the bank $5k. I worked at Bojangles but fucked that job. They were assholes. And now I work at Dairy Queen. This was all over a span of seven months (It's January 2019 now).

So let me tell you my issue here.

I'm a know-it-all, 18-year-old smart ass, who doesn't listen and wants to do everything on my own but doesn't know where to start. I have my own business but haven't made one sale. I want to be a singer but I'm terrified to open my mouth or post videos on Instagram or any social media of that sort because I'm scared of judgement. So I am stuck at Dairy Queen until I stop being pussy and grow some woman balls. I can't let fear stop me my whole life but I need a shove, a backbone of support.

Fear stops a lot. Fear runs the show.