Elliott's Epiphany

I was walking home with handcuffs on my wrists. Every once in a while, I was reminded of the tightness of the cuffs, but the pain feels so familiar to me that I don't bring myself to wince anymore.

I stumble home, and I am greeted with my father addressing me as "Herbert," and shoving a notepad full of the future he had planned for me in my face followed by a punch in the throat for every objection I tried to make. As if that wasn't bad enough, a chain appeared connected to my handcuffs, and I felt myself being yanked toward what I eventually saw was my boyfriend, Mitchell. He said "Your father and I were thinking, and agreed that since Chad has no mental issues that he needs help with, and I know what's best for you in our relationship, you don't need to talk to anyone that will object to us," in the most loving tone possible. Mitchell walked toward me and reached his hand toward me before–

My eyes opened and I found myself in my dark bedroom in my family's home. I sat up in bed and groaned while gripping onto my hair. I looked around to make sure no one else heard me. My sister left for college sometime ago, so if everyone else in the house wasn't a big fan of me seeing Picani, how I can expect to come to them after having that same nightmare for the umpteenth time?

I looked at my phone, and saw that it was 2:30 in the morning, so I already know that calling my sister to vent would be out of the question. I lied back down again, but I couldn't bring myself to fall asleep.

I couldn't help but think over the people in my life and categorize them. Chad and my mom had indifference towards me, it's fair to say. My sister, my friend, and Picani definitely express genuine concern, and care for my well-being (though, I guess that's part of him overall). My father seemed to be more on the aggressive side, looking back at it, though not in the physical sense. As for Mitchell, it might've been fair to say that he likes to switch between the categories, depending on the situation, but it was usually more indifference when it came to things in our relationship.

As I was thinking more, one thing that crossed my mind was a couple that were regulars at this shop I stock shelves at. They seemed evidently outgoing and extra at times, but were otherwise aware of their surroundings. They appeared to have their moments where one of them was annoyed by the other, but something about them seemed like they were almost... meant for one another. From the times when I felt bold enough to make small talk with them, I took in a few things: their names are Dot and Larry, we have the same therapist, and with their 15 years of being with each other, they have actually taken each other's feelings, and input into consideration even during their moments when things felt off putting for them. There's no indifference, and even when Dot is the only one being completely sappy and loving, it's clear that they both care for one another instead of feeling the need to beg for affection.

I never expected Mitchell to be overly affectionate by any means (heck, my parents weren't always affectionate themselves), but something about Dot and Larry's relationship feels more preferable than feeling like I'm in a relationship with a ghost, until he wants something from me.

I looked under my bed and saw a jar I kept filled with the money I'm saving until I can afford to leave and start over. It was easy to find a new town online, as well as options for a new place, and a new job (complete with an understanding and patient boss), but I knew if I left Mitchell without a trace, it wouldn't be easy for me to find a new love that I guess I kinda wanted to make up for what the rest of my family couldn't bestow upon me. Ever since I first considered funding my departure, I was thinking about Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and figured that if he could find acceptance with himself, while simultaneously being a disgrace to most of his family, then I can, too.

My last thought as I went back to sleep with the help of an ASMR track was that after a week or two of work and my lifestyle, I'll escape in no time, and maybe even thank Picani for everything.