Emotional Abuse is Hard to Catch

When we first met, he was so nice. I told him all of the heartache I had been through and he promised me he was different. He knew I had been cheated on in every single relationship I have ever been in. He knew the scars on my heart were still healing and he promised to help the progress. He promised me he would never, ever hurt me or cheat on me. Months passed and I fell head over heels. He was something out of a book. We never fought, we were in love. He wanted to be with me forever, he said.

Then, he cheated. It was one night when he got high and his ex girlfriend came over when I wasn't there. She came onto him and he promised me he wouldn't ever do it again. I forgave him for that. After a long day of fighting and tears, I forgave him because he convinced me that he would never cheat again and he was very remorseful.

After that day, something changed. His mom now tells me that he turned into the person he truly is. A sociopath. A narcissist. He was constantly asking me where I went and who I was with. He demanded my Facebook password and made me block friends I'd had for years because he didn't trust them. When I asked him for his Facebook password, he claimed he forgot it. When I was asleep at night, he would go through my phone. When I tried to go through his phone, I realized he changed his pass code. When I tried to take it while it was unlocked, he would say he needed to transfer everything over to his PlayStation. He would then delete messages he didn't want me to see.

After a while, he started insulting me. Telling me I was too sensitive. When I would mention something that bothered me about him, he would become angry and tell me to watch my tone and get out. I became scared of him because he would lash out at me every time I mentioned something that bugged me. So, I held it all in. And that messed my head up more than anything.

Every single time we fought, he would tell me to pack my stuff and go back to my mom's house because he didn't want anyone giving him attitude. I worked Monday through Friday, mid shift. So I would sleep until it was time to leave for work. I didn't get home until past midnight. He worked Monday through Friday, 6am-3pm. On weekends, we would clean. He would yell at me and tell me that I needed to clean the house more because he was tired of living in filth. But, he never cleaned when he got home. I always slept until I had no more time to do anything but get up and get ready. I never had time to clean. He had all day to do it but he would yell at me if I mentioned that. He said he worked outside on roofs all day and was too tired to do anything. So, I started getting up early and cleaning, slacking off on my job because I was too tired.

If I complained about something that was bothering me, even the smallest thing, he would tell me that it was really annoying how I would nitpick everything and that he couldn't be with me if I continued to do that. That was over a pulled pork barbecue sandwich that was missing the barbecue. He threatened to leave me over a sandwich that I complained about. Then, when I started to cry, he got angry and yelled at me, telling me he was only joking but if I wanted to act like that, we could go home and I could pack my things. You see a trend here? Me too... I just didn't see it at the time because my mind was so warped by him. I was consumed. I would've done anything for him.

If I was ever upset about something he did and brought it up, not only would he get angry, but he would refuse to talk to me after. He refused to touch me. Telling me that he wasn't going to touch me if I was going to keep the attitude. Even when I was crying my eyes out. He wouldn't even look at me. On top of that, he wouldn't let me talk to anyone about my problems. He said our relationship was our business and nobody else's. So, I couldn't even talk to my mom about it. I was absolutely alone.

On our good days, when I would try to tell him about my day, he would ignore me, or interrupt me saying he didn't care or that I had already told him that story and it wasn't interesting the first time. That was one of the things that bothered me the most. He was never interested in anything I ever said.

A few days before he broke up with me, he told me he was helping a friend pack. He was really going to hang out with his, now, girlfriend. Five hours before he broke up with me, he had a secret Facebook and got into a relationship with her on that Facebook. She told me they had been talking for weeks. On the day he broke up with me, he told me I was boring. He told me that he loved me but he was better off alone. I wasn't aware of his girlfriend at that time. He blamed it all on me. Telling me that I never cleaned and never did anything for him. So, I packed up and left.

It's been almost two weeks since that day. And I no longer cry. I no longer have that empty pit in my chest. Because I now know just how emotionally abused I was. I now know what a narcissist he was and that he never cared for me. I now know that I deserve better. I looked up the signs of emotional abuse the other day and out of the 39 signs, he did 22 of them.

Please, if your significant other does any of this, open your eyes. Don't let him warp your mind like mine did. Listen to your family and friends. They can see it better than you can. From an outside perspective, I was killing myself by staying with him. I had no control over my life. He had it. Please, ask someone for help if you are scared. Don't let it go too far. Because my future relationships will never be the same. I will always be scared to talk to them. I will always be walking on eggshells in fear of upsetting them. I will never be okay in another relationship because I let him warp my mind.