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Engagement Envy

It's a real thing, but let's conquer it!

My Boyfriend and I

Ladies and gents, it’s real. It’s here. I am feeling it. "Engagement Envy"… I think everyone feels it at some point in your life. People are getting engaged left, right, and centre except for you.

Last night one of my boyfriend’s best friends proposed to his girlfriend. The couple have been on and off dating around four/five years and obviously are ready for the next chapter in their relationship. My boyfriend and I have only been together for just over a year, but we live together and are very serious about our relationship. Unfortunately for me, I am now experiencing a case of engagement envy. Of course, I am so happy for the couple and I can’t wait to go to their wedding BUT for the meantime, I sit thinking “why not me?”

They got engaged in Paris, a place me and my boyfriend went to just months ago. Suddenly, our visit to the city of love doesn’t seem as special. And I feel so guilty in thinking that because my visit with my boyfriend to Paris was the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. But here I am, feeling jealous of the girl who got proposed to in the very same place I have visited.

If, like me, you’re in a long-term relationship and it feels like you’re watching everyone else around you get engaged, it’s okay to feel some engagement envy towards these people. But it’s not okay to be staring at your girlfriend/boyfriend waiting for them to turn into your fiancé(e). Take the time to remember how grateful you are that your significant other is in your life. Being engaged isn’t everything. Stop worrying about why they haven’t proposed and focus on the stage your relationship is in now. Every couple works differently, and you shouldn’t be admiring other couples. Admire your own relationship. Yes, being jealous is a human nature you can’t control but try not to get too stuck in your envy. Enjoy your relationship. Maybe the two of you aren’t ready for that stage in your relationship now. Maybe your partner is planning to propose, and you don’t know about it! Either way, if you’re so worried about it then an honest conversation about the situation may be best for the both of you, instead of your engagement envy getting the worst of you.

Getting engaged isn’t a race, you don’t have to beat your friends to it because it isn’t a competition; getting engaged first doesn’t make you the most amazing couple out of all your friends! Relationships are tricky, and the both of you must be comfortable with whatever’s happening in your relationship. Building a happy, stable, and healthy relationship is the most important thing anyone could want.

A ring can’t force a future that doesn’t fit. Take your time. Take things slow if you need to. When you and your partner are ready, you’ll know. Fuck friends and family who say: “When’s the wedding?” “When are you having kids?” DON’T let the pressure of others get to you. You’re allowed to do what you want when you’re ready. Push that engagement envy aside and realise that being engaged won’t make your relationship perfect. Your relationship is perfect because you make it perfect. Always remember no two couples work in the same way. For example, I’ve been in my relationship for a year and we moved in together after being together seven months, whereas a couple I know are waiting until they’re engaged to move in together. Another couple I know won’t get engaged or move in together for another three to four years because they’re both in University and a lot can happen between now and then.

Take your time. You’ll get your turn one day.

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