Extramarital Attraction

You meet the man or woman of your dreams, marry them, maybe have a kid or two, and maybe you feel like it’s day one with them all the time. You’re happy, they’re happy and life is happy. Years pass and maybe you hold onto that feeling. Or maybe (and more than likely), you find yourself growing tired of your partner. They’ve changed, a little at a time, and things you once found cute or quirky are now annoying and aggravating.

You meet another attractive man or woman and you wonder. Have you been dreaming about the right person? Are you meant to be with your partner? The one you committed your entire life and existence to? The one who made you float now makes you feel like you’ve popped? The warm hands that held your heart or still hold your heart?

You feel yourself move closer and closer to this other person. Where your partner was exciting, they ARE exciting. Where you partner made your heart thump like a rabbit, they now make you feel like a rabbit’s foot. Stiff and dangling, in danger of falling. Not in love, not anymore. This person makes you feel like a person.

My coworker and I had this discussion a while back, but he had an interesting analogy for it: buses at a bus station.

The old partner is the dependable bus with the schedule and route you’ve had memorized by heart. It has no to very little people on it and while it can be musty and takes you an hour to get to your destination, it’s comfortable. You can sit in your seat and read or listen to songs and space out.

The new person is exciting. They take less time, smell better, but have more people. It’s not as comfortable as your old bus, but it’s fun and fast.

Sure, it seems like a stretch, but if you think about it, it makes perfect sense.

The old bus is familiar, the new exciting. Or as exciting as a bus can be unless you have Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock on it. That’s a Speed reference for anyone not in the know.

So this new person, this new bus, you ride (maybe not literally, but in fantasy) and it’s all fascination and exploration. You’ve had fantasies you’ve told your partner about, but never brave enough to outright ask them for it. Threesomes, bondage, whips and chains with vigor. You have them. Again it’s a fantasy, but this new person is totally into it, if only in your mind. They adore you and you’re the God or Goddess they wish to worship.

You see it soon in their eyes and interpret every gesture as a declaration of their love. Because if one person feels something, the other must be able to pick up on that hint.

Well, that’s where you get the line. And that’s where it blurs.

I’ve had many a crush myself before marrying my husband at the age of 27. And one almost cost me my relationship… and my sanity.

This person was a short-lived, but highly intensive crush that caused me to tip toe the line everyday. I enjoyed flirting with disaster. We were friends and coworkers, and became close. Though he denies ever reciprocating these feelings, I’ve already heard from our mutual friends that he was completely lying and they were surprised I couldn’t see it.

But that’s a part of these kind of intense attractions.

You flirt with disaster, with destroying a well-built relationship for something new and shiny. And sometimes it blinds you to its seduction. It’s a sports car with the pretty new paint job over a more dependable vehicle that’ll cost you less in insurance and trumped up tickets. You hunger for it, but the entire time you know loyalty. Or you should and I forgot for one instance with this shiny new car. I almost kissed the guy one night in his car, but the face of my husband, my dependable car, my old bus, stopped me. And what stopped me leaving my husband for this guy more than anything was that I knew the difference between infatuation and real love.

I’d been a lover of infatuation’s my entire life, but had just met real love when I fell for my husband. I knew which one I would always choose.

You’re probably telling yourself that it’s a sign of disloyalty. Or maybe that it’s not a big deal. And either could be correct. I don’t know your relationship, I only know mine and thanks to my coworker, a bit of his, but two sides to every story. His wife’s side could be completely different. Day to his night.

I only know there’s a blur... Especially when that person encourages it.

So what do you do?

In my opinion, keep things casual, and fantasize more about your partner.