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Fake Friends

But now I don't even know her, and I don't want to know her.

Let go.

Elementary up to grade 5 was probably the best time of my life. I don't think anything can compare. There were the girls, who had a little squad. Not everyone was accepted into their group. But sadly, I was part of the “group.” I kinda wish I never met any of them. But I’m kinda lucky I did. If I never met them, I would have never known they were a bunch of bitches. I mean, I’m a bitch sometimes. Only when it's needed. But they were bullies.

I was really shy in elementary school, I don't know if that's why our relationship ended, but something about me definitely caused it. I was just that “innocent” girl, who just wanted some friends to hang with. There was one girl in the group who I counted as my best friend. Kinda regret it now. I feel like if we ever came face to face, it would never feel the same. She would feel like a stranger to me. She used to be an amazing person, funny, caring. But now I don't even know her, and I don't want to know her.

Me and the girls talked sometimes, but I mostly played with my “best friend” at recess. So when the “hangout” time came after school, I was never invited. I never really cared much, because I had personal things to do after school. So it never really crossed my mind they were excluding me. I just thought they knew I was busy.

But the 3 moments I knew they were fake friends was when I was going through a hard time. My parents marriage was on a cliff, almost about to crash and fall. That morning before school, my parents had a huge fight about something I blame on myself. And I still do to this day. It's kinda silly, but if I hadn't suggested something the night before, maybe things could be different. Maybe my family would have been complete today. I'll never know.

After the huge fight, that ended in the cops coming, and questioning me, I went to school. I skipped gym that day, and went to French. I sat down, replaying the scene in my head. I was really upset that day. I mean, I never tell anyone about my feelings, I like to keep them inside. But on that day, I really wanted “them” to comfort me. But as I thought, they never came. That was strike one.

I then went away on a trip for one week, thinking nothing was gonna change. I went with my dad that week. We had a good week, and as I came back from my trip, I noticed we had a desk change. All the desks were moved around. And I noticed my “best friend” was in a desk group, with a person she said she hated. She told me that, and yet she decided to sit in a group with her. I thought I was gonna be sitting in the group desk too. But it turns out I was seated in the very back corner, with some girls I don't even know. Funny thing is, it wasn't assigned. They got to choose. And I guess the person I thought would be there for me, didn't even choose me. So I sat at the back for the rest of the year, being miserable. I know sitting alone isn't that bad, but I was shy, so I sucked at making friends. I felt alone. That was strike two.

After the desk change, I decided to just be all alone. I spent all my recesses at the library. I found a “friend” there. I wouldn't really call her that, she was sorta the one to keep me company.

I kinda realized I meant nothing to them, when none of them came looking for me, when none of them asked where I was. None of them cared I disappeared from their “group.” After that year, I left. I transferred to a new school. I didn't tell anyone at school I was leaving, I just packed up and left. No one deserved a goodbye from me. They didn't deserve to treat me like that, when I didn't do that to them. So I left.

My life is ok I guess. It's not fantastic. School is great. Instead of making friends, I'm making acquaintances. Just people I can talk to. Nothing else.

If there's one thing I learned in my life, it's to never trust people with your heart, or with anything. Every person has their story, and you don't know it. So don't go relying on someone, when they can just stab you and throw you away like trash. Learn to grow on your own, rely on yourself. You don't need to drag someone along on your journey. If you ever feel the person doesn't respect you, let go. Live for yourself, and be happy.

Hope you guys liked my story, and maybe learned something.

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