Fallen

Here I lay, covering my face. I have fallen from the highest of places down to earth. I am powerless to stop or reverse it. Can I ever become what I once was? Do I want to? I ask myself these questions and more as I struggle to figure out how to live. It was so easy before, but now I find even simple tasks a challenge.

I tried to do what was right. I thought you saw that, but I guess not. I had been in charge of a particular human, one who seemed to always be down on her luck. She tried never to complain, but it didn’t make her life any easier. I watched her suffer through torment like you would not believe. From a young age she suffered by not having her mother around. She would look at families that she saw as whole and would feel a pang of remorse and jealousy. Though she was never without things, her grandparents spoiled her, she was without a mother’s love. She thought her mother despised her, and for me it was harrowing to watch her desperately try to win affection that was never meaningful.

I watched my darling charge try to make friends. She was always so kind, I loved that most about her, but it meant that she was easily taken advantage of. She knew this, but was so desperate for attention she took it in stride and cried about it later. Oh her tears, they were shed where no one but you and me could see. She would sob and beg for her pains to go away. I wanted to comfort her, and I tried, but she could never feel my embrace.

I watched this little girl get older; she suffered terribly at the hands of so called family members. One in particular ruined her ability to love. This person took advantage of her in a way that only the most despicable would. I watched her heart harden after this and she no longer desired to love. She decided she would not take love from anyone; she sought affection, but buried her heart. It pained me so to see her wants and needs so blindly ignored. She needed someone in her life, but no one passed her inspection, nor mine.

More years passed for me in the blink of an eye. Her mother started to want her around; she would help with her younger siblings. She finally seemed to be happy. She grew into a beautiful young woman, stubborn and strong willed. I sought even more the ability to give her a companion. How I wished it could have been me that she needed, but I knew better. Instead, I brought some into her life I thought would make her happy. Oh how wrong I was, they only brought her more misery! She sobbed more now than ever! With her heart broken more than ever before I was scared I had ruined her.

Then came the biggest blow of all. My darling girl had been struggling; her mother was becoming overbearing and selfish. She made my girl feel lower than the ground she walked on. Her mother constantly brought more and more misery. Finally it reached its climax. Her mother ran off, taking my girls’ precocious siblings with her. Oh how my charge pined for her siblings which she had all but raised herself.

This was when I decided to take matters into my own hands. Now more than ever my charge needed a companion. I no longer cared who the companion was, as long as the companion could help heal my charge. It was then no surprise that I found a compatible match. The friend she had grown close to over a short period of time. Yes, this friend was perfect. I realized quickly the feelings between them had been there for a while. They both seemed made for each other, completing each other in every way possible.

Oh how happy she is! Oh how happy they both are! I was overjoyed to see my darling smile again. I witnessed her give her heart to her best friend without hesitation. I watched these two girls work toward learning to love each other. However, it was this that caused me to be cast out. I created a forbidden love, one that needed to be kept in the shadows. I did not care, but you did. You cast me out without hesitation. No attention was paid to the happiness I had created; all that was cared about was the method of which my charge loved.

Despite this, I do not regret what I did. Even if I could go back to what I once was, I wouldn’t if it meant breaking two beautiful souls apart. No I will learn to live this way, I will learn from my charge. I will emulate her stubbornness and I will continue to learn. So I will uncover my face and walk with pride. I will not let this moment ever be forgotten, and I will learn to move forward.

Picture credit: http://www.most-famous-paintings.org/Fallen-Angel.html