Fascinating Differences Our Relationships Can Suffer

Relationships.

Is there anything better than being together with the love of your life?

Even though, sometimes, you argue over a total nonsense. But you still want them no further than three feet from you. We all feel like this sometimes.

One of the big problems comes out of feeling that our partners are like us. You might think, "If they love me, they should behave in a certain way." But women and men are different. Dr. John Gray famously said:

“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”

It is also a title of his franchise. Different books have been written, and many workshops have been done over the past few decades. Collectively, they helped hundreds of thousands of couples around the world. It is the single most famous couple counseling franchise in the world.

In this series, let’s examine the fundamental differences between couples. The knowledge Dr. Gray presented in his work can help men and women achieve better understanding and harmony in their relationship.

I acknowledge this is going to be a broad generalization of behavior between men and woman, but we can all learn from it — a lot. Even if you don’t relate to the full 100 percent.

Why can’t he just listen for a change?

Men are often accused of not listening. Most of the time they had the best of intentions in their mind. They want to help, so they offer solutions, but they get excluded with a saying like: “Can’t you just listen to me?”

Men feel like they do listen. They feel like providing solutions can help fix the problem at hand. After, their solutions are being rejected. Men can start feeling like their partner thinks they are incompetent to help.

A woman, when she is stressed out or feeling down, just wants someone to listen. She wants to unwind. No solutions are needed. No one is going to fix her problems for her. She requires some empathy and a warm hug.

This fundamental difference can create a conflict out of thin air.

Let’s see this example:

Sara comes home after a hard day at the office. She feels the need to share her feelings about the day.

“Today was a train wreck. That snake Nicole is side-tracking me all day,” Sara says.

“Baby, you should report her to your manager. She can’t do that to you. She has been doing it for months now.”

“But the management will take her side. She has a stellar performance.”

“You shouldn’t feel bad. I bet you can do much more than she can.”

“That is not the issue. Will you just listen?”

“I am listening. What is wrong?”

“I’m trying to tell you how I feel.”

“All you have to do is report that girl. It is not such a big deal.”

“Ugh, why am I even bothering?”

“You are stressing too much. That is why you always create such issues,” John finishes.

Sara feels even more frustrated after this conversation. She came for the soothing support of her partner, but, in turn, she was battered with solutions.

John had the best of his intentions in mind, but his problem-solving skills were not needed in this instance. He felt annoyed because he had no idea what went wrong.

If he just patiently listened, inquired to find out more about the situation, seeking truly to understand her feelings, this whole conflict would never happen.

This is a problem that arises from our fundamental differences. Women want someone to listen. Men want to offer solutions. Sometimes, women will gladly take his advice. But if she is feeling down or stressed out, most of the time she just wants to unwind and talk.

If John knew about this difference, the conversation might go like this:

“Today was a train wreck. That snake Nicole is side-tracking me all day.” Sara says.

John takes a deep breath. “What happened? What did she do?’

“She has been distracting me from my work every time the manager would pass by. It ended up looking so bad.”

“That sounds heavy.”

“I love that job. But today I felt like I might have a performance review. It was so close.”

“Oh, no.”

“I’m just trying my best.”

“I know you are. You are a hard worker. Here, come, let me give you a hug.”

John gives Sarah a hug. She feels cared for. Her stress is coming off. Sarah can now relax in the arms of her loving man.

With this approach, they supported each other. John felt like he could calm her down, and Sarah felt much better after a long day. They struck a positive note in a heavy weather. Both felt loved and appreciated.

This is the first episode of the series about differences between men and women.

Have you found yourself in the likes of John or Sarah?

If you did, stay tuned for more!