Feeling Less Than

They say comparison is the thief of joy. Well, whoever “they” are, they’re right. Haven’t you ever just been scrolling through Instagram on a Tuesday night, and seen some beauty guru or workout blogger say for the gazillionth time, “I’m just sooo thankful for the opportunity I have to share my love of {insert literally anything here} with all of you! XOXO #blessed (and other annoying hashtags). All while you’re sitting in your sweats, on your third piece of pizza because there is *no* way you’re cooking after the day you just had.

Yeah, me too.

So, you get annoyed, finish your pizza and Netflix binge, and you go to bed feeling just as stressed out as when you started. And it may not be the scenario I described. It could be seeing yet another friend get engaged or graduate or get a new dishwasher (#adulting). This day and age of constantly comparing our relationships, experiences, and “stuff” to other people is, in a word, toxic.

For me, this started years ago when I was in just starting high school and freshly introduced to the joys of social media. I begged and begged my parents for a Facebook account so I could keep in touch with my friends from public school (since I was transferring to a private school). I immediately started seeing my friends’ vacations, and summer parties, and all the fun they were having—all without me. I felt crummy thinking that they all had such better lives than me, simply because I was seeing the highlights of their lives. I quickly forgot about my own highlights of that summer: a beach vacation with my family, my birthday, and so. many. sleepovers with my bff. Looking back, I totally had an amazing summer, but at the time, it felt discouraging because my birthday party pictures didn’t get as many “likes” as someone else’s party.

So I guess you could say that my joy has been stolen little by little for the better part of five years because of social media. I’d like to also blame social media for my unrealistic expectations in beauty, relationships, food, and body image. You hear it all the time, but photoshop is real and makes everything look unreal! And there’s no way you’re making that cauliflower pizza if you actually saw how many dishes you’re going to have to clean up afterwards. But I’m definitely getting my joy back. I’ve basically done three things, and because you’ve made it this far, I’ll let you in on my secrets.

1. Fix My Feed — Every time I’m on any social media outlet, I like to fix it a bit. I go through my feed and if I see a post that makes me go, “What? Who even is this?” OR if it offends me in any way I just go unfollow that person. Since starting this three months ago, I’ve unfollowed at least half of the people I was following, and I feel so. much. better! Yeah, I lost followers, but I also don’t have to see that guy who was always posting gym selfies so I call that a win-win.

2. Intentionally Interact — Do you ever think to yourself, “Oh I wish I still talked to ____; we used to be so close!” Just take an extra second to comment on his/her post or picture, and intentionally interact with him/her. I can almost guarantee it’ll make their day, and you’ll probably get a comment back (or at least a like).

3. Pursue Passion — Do you love calligraphy or hand lettering? Follow an Etsy shop’s Instagram page. Most likely, they’ll do some tutorials, give discount codes, and interact with you! The only thing with this is to not get caught up with “oh they’re so much better than me/I could never do something like that/it looks to hard, I’m not going to try.” That’s the joy thief again. Just enjoy what you see in your feed, and if you don’t, see step 1.

There is something special and unique about what we have with social media. Connecting with family and friends all over the world, being inspired by people who are doing good things in the world, and learning how much people really can make a difference are so important to our lives. But our own joy is also important. And it isn’t just found in the 140 characters or picture squares.