I have been with this man for five years. We've been married for all most two and have a two and a half year old baby boy. Two weeks ago, I finally left. We look like the happy American family. He's a Marine, I'm an artist and entrepreneur. We seem like we have it all together and everything is running smoothly. I worked really hard to make it look that way.
From the beginning of our relationship, I knew he wasn't the best guy. We were living together before we started dating. It was him, me, and his current girlfriend. Somehow I fell in love, and so did he. So he left his girlfriend and we moved out and got our own place. We both partied a lot at the time and it was really fun. He lost his job, I ended up taking on all of the bills on my own, and we were struggling. Right in the middle of this he goes to Oregon to help his mom for two weeks, and never comes back to the east coast. We went our separate ways, but a few months later he reached out to me. I decided to sell my car, get rid of my apartment and everything I couldn't fit into a carry on and one suitcase and bought a one way plane ticket to Portland. Everything was exciting and new and fun, and we really had a great time there. Then we fell on hard times again, we lived in the middle of nowhere and there were no jobs around. After a few months of struggling, we decided to come back to the east coast together.
Four months later, I found out I was pregnant. I immediately changed my lifestyle, stopped partying, and got my shit together the best I could. I was working hard, saving all of my money so we could move out of our town house with roommates into our own place. He worked for a while, and then he didn't. We ended up having to move in with his family.. and things were rough.
He got a job where he would work nights, so he was gone from 6 pm to 6 am. I spent all my nights alone, but I was okay with that because I knew it was to support our child.
Then I found out he was doing drugs, going out and partying. Sometimes he would even leave work, explaining why his check was short so many times. He promised me he would stop, and a month later, our son was born.
The day after our son was born, we were in the hospital and they took the baby for a check up or bath or something. I had really bad postpartum depression already. I looked at him and he started crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said he didn't even know how to tell me... eventually he told me that he cheated on me. A few weeks ago. Having unprotected sex with a stranger when I was nine months pregnant. What. The. Fuck.
I was devastated. It was supposed to be the happiest time of my life, and yet I'm sitting here crushed. My whole world came crashing down. I just had the best labor with who I thought was a decent man and going to be a decent father. Then I find out that he put me and our baby at risk by sleeping with someone he didn't even know.
I had nowhere to go. I had lost my job when they found out I was pregnant. We were still staying with his family. Both of my parents had passed away, and I had no one I could stay with. So I stayed. He slept on the couch for a year, and we weren't intimate whatsoever.
Eventually I told him he had to do something with his life or I was out of there. So he signed up for the Marine Corps. I thought, okay, this man is willing to go through the hell of bootcamp to provide me and our son a better life. So I stayed.
He went through bootcamp, and everything was going well for us. We would write letters to each other, I thought, "okay. Things are finally going to be perfect." We went down to see him graduate and had an amazing time together. He came home for a few days and all was well. He left again for MCT and I was patiently waiting for him to come home.
While he was gone, I found out that he cheated yet again. It was November by this time and it had happened in May. I was crushed, again. I couldn't believe he would do that to me again after everything he out me through the first time. I was so done. So done with him. So done with trying. So done with always wondering. So done with trying to keep the family together. So we separated. He was still at training for another month and I told him that I found out and it was over. When he finished his training, he came back to the house and was begging me to take him back. Talking about how were gonna get a house soon through the Marine corps and we are going to have the all American dream. I really didn't want to.. but at this point I was still living with his family. I wasn't working because he was gone and I had to watch our child. I saw no way out. Again, with no friends or family that I could live with WITH a toddler. So I stayed.
A few months later we finally moved into our new home in North Carolina. I was hesitant but I wanted to give it one more chance, for our son. I wanted to have it all. The husband, the baby, the white picket fence. For a while, it seemed that way. He would work and come home at night. I worked from home so I could watch our son.
I started saving every penny of my money that I could from gigs. Just in case. I will tell you right now. If you need a "just in case you have to leave your husband fund," leave. Now.
Two weeks ago, he started acting crazy. Like he was tripping out on Acid or something. His whole personality changed. He literally was not the man I knew. I was scared. I didn't know what he was capable of and it was freaking me out how he just woke up a changed man. I saw him taking Mucinex DM. I started Googling and I saw that was exactly what was happening. My husband was abusing over the counter cough meds. Just when I thought all of those days were over and he was finally the man I wanted, he became my worst nightmare. I couldn't do it anymore. So I called his family that have let me stay with them so many times before and I told them what was happening. They immediately offered to make the six hour drive to come pick us up. We left our home with only five outfits each, a few of my art supplies, and a small amount of my son's toys because the car was already so full with just us inside. We drove the six hour drive back and have been here for almost three weeks now. I have spoken to my husband a few times, and he's still acting the same crazy way. He was investigated but "they found no evidence." So he's at home, in our huge house, with our car, all of all belongings... Living it up. Meanwhile, we are sleeping on his family's couches and just scraping by. He has asked for me to come home a few times, he's tried sweet talking, he's tried every trick that would have gotten me back in the past. But I am done. I have been so scared for so long to find out what will happen without him. Where will I go? How will I support us? Or at least get our feet off of the ground? How will I get a new car? What will I do?
But now that I am here.. I'm not worried about any of that. Lucky his family is helping me through this time. Without them I have no idea what I would have done. Luckily, I started that fund when I had the chance and saved almost $2,000 to get us started. So now, I don't care how hard I have to struggle. I don't care what hurdles I have to cross. I don't care how many TV dinners I have to eat. I don't care how long it's going to take me, I am doing this on my own. I am going to give my son the life he deserves, and hopefully one day I will meet a new man that will love me unconditionally. Actually LOVE me. Actually treat me right. Someone my son can look up to as an example of what to do for his partner one day.
I am strong. I can do this. So can you. Am I scared? FUCK YEAH. But I've stayed for too long just because I was scared of the unknown. So if you're in a relationship with a man that doesn't give you exactly what you need. Leave. Especially if it's early. He will never change. It doesn't matter if he says that he loves you so much and that he will cahnge. Because he won't and he doesn't. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated or controlled into staying. Only stay if you are 100 percent happy with your man. Trust me, even three weeks later with all of these burdens on my shoulders, I feel so free.