Finding 'Happily Ever After'

#MyWorstDateYou know, no one ever talks about dating or finding love from where I come from. They never talk about how they found it, and when they do, it is usually a story involving a drunken night, teenage pregnancy, and a shotgun wedding (though I give points for originality to the one couple who said they overdosed on heroine together and did it right on the hospital bed as soon as they woke up from the medications). There aren't a lot of real love stories that you hear about in my hometown that are really romantic and inspiring, so I guess it's a bit of my fault for having some standards and wants when it came to courting girls, and no one actually shared decent advice with me except what I saw in movies and TV (though I never saw any of MTV's "reality" shows). So when I moved to college and was looking for someone that I could spoil the shit out of on Valentine's Day, I had no training on social interactions except for what I learned in movies and TV. But it was not in college that I had the worst date ever, oh no, it was in college I found a way to move down to Disney World to work in an internship did I see her and started courting her, and that is where the heartache started.In the land where dreams come true, especially for a young lad with nothing but dreams and hopes for the future in his head, one can possibly see how the lad would get caught up in the pixie dust and believe that love truly is an open door. But just because it is open it does not mean it is open for everyone; case in point is Katie West. The day I saw her I knew I was crazy about her. The way she laughed, how her golden hair swayed in the wind, her smile, and the sound of her voice was the very song of a siren. A California dreamer with a passion for science and discovery; she was as interesting to listen to as she was beautiful, and we did talk as much as we could through text, through Facebook, and at class when we could. After a few months, I nut up and asked her out to Magic Kingdom to spend one of our days off together there. And boy was it a cold, awkward, and one-sided mess!To think that this girl that I could literally spend hours talking to through text and messenger I could not strike up a conversation with, even when we were sitting at a table in a quiet place in the one resort destination we and everyone else wanted to go to!? ( What's even more unbelievable, I WAS ABLE TO FIND A QUIET PLACE IN MAGIC KINGDOM TO HAVE DINNER AT AT ALL!!) Now I admit I am a social idiot and suck at making conversation, but that does not mean it is entirely my fault. Now before you turn away, let me ask you this...how the hell do you win someone over who is constantly on their phone or ignoring you!? Because let me tell you, it is not easy. Especially when the first word is "What" every time you try and talk. And I know this girl. She does not have a tragic backstory behind her and believe me, I would have known about it. Now maybe this is my fault because I never said this was a "date" officially to her, but honestly! It was clear she was not even paying attention to me the whole time. The one time she acknowledged me was when I got her a churro (her favorite treat) and she didn't even look at me but so graciously said "Thanks Allen" (and for those confused, yes my name is Alex, and I have no idea where Allen came from). And on that note, I would like to take this time to thank Katie for giving me a memory I will never forget. This was the FIRST time I ever had a terrible day in Magic Kingdom as well as the worst date I have ever been on. Well done, you.

But I need to thank you too, Katie. Don't get me wrong, I doubt you'll remember my face (because clearly you don't remember my name), but I'll never forget the lesson I learned from meeting you. What is the point in loving someone else when you cannot love yourself? Yes I know it is a revelation that seems to have come out of nowhere, but it is what I have learned from her. Thing is, when we would talk, it would be all about her. "What are Katie's plans for the day? What does Katie want to do for her birthday? Does Katie have a favorite movie?" Never once was I asked my favorite things or what I liked to do. I had to insert that information myself. I never really spoke about me or seemed to have piqued her interest at all.

And that is what I want to share with you, reader. Before you go into a relationship and plan to give someone your love and time, be confident and know the reasons why you would love yourself. If you cannot see the value in yourself and why you matter to the world, how can you expect others to see the value in you and give you the time of day? And here is the kicker: life is nothing like the movies (again, who would have thought that). The nice, quiet guy does not always get the girl, and being there for her all the time does not mean you both will fall in love and live happily ever after.

But that does not mean "love is dead" or it is pointless to believe in finding that "special someone." It means that I (or even you, reader) need to understand who I am first. What kind of person am I? What don't I like about myself and what can be changed? The thing about the movies is that they create this fantasy world where the people have that understood or they undergo a simple transformation to better understand themselves. But we don't have a blockbuster budget, special lighting, or a playlist at the ready to go whenever we have a moment of self reflection. We don't have the special effects or a script to work with, but we do have dreams. And we do have a wish or two in our pockets. It ain't much, but will do.So yes, I hate you for making me waste my time, Katie, but I thank you and wish you well, wherever you are now. Maybe it is for the best that night sucked. How could love accumulate if there is no chemistry, after all? And it was for the best for you to leave and cut off all contact with me. You may have already found your happily ever after (or you are dead now, whatever comes first, I suppose), but now I need to find my own. I have no idea how, no idea when, but it will happen. Besides, I spent almost 26 years alone, so what's another one?