Finding Her (Pt. 1)

Yes, I’ll agree that finding someone is hard. It’s pretty challenging. It’s hard finding a person with great characteristics or great qualities that you want. Someone that is loyal or faithful. But, sometimes you don’t get what you want. You need to earn it. It’s like earning someone's trust. I’ll say it takes time to find that person that is going to make you happy. But, once you find that person you want to be with, you will never let go of him or her, because you don’t want to lose them. Even if you do, don’t let that get inside of you. If it doesn’t work out, you move one and start fresh. Yes, it might happen many various times. Don’t let that stop you. So where am I going through this? You may ask; is she going to write a story about this. Well, yes indeed. Hear me out.

Life’s great when you have a chance with someone you love dearly. But what if it’s a girl? Many people will judge. Especially parents. Parents are going to be judging you all the time because they want you to be with a guy. A handsome guy when you get older. To have kids and make your own family with your husband. Of course that would be nice, but I chose to be with a girl. I know it’s probably awkward between people, but I can’t hide anymore. Whenever my mom told me to not be bisexual, I hurt someone who I loved very much. I left her crying with a broken heart. I didn’t know what else to do, so instead of trying to be with her, I let her go. Yes, it was hurtful for me, but I needed to do that. It was for the best for her. I didn’t have any contact with her. So I didn’t know if she was okay. I worried about her all the time. But, I didn’t have the chance to say it to her.

Then three months past. I was a disaster. I wouldn’t eat at all, because I couldn’t. I was sad most of the time. I would stay in my room every single day, and including parties, I wouldn’t attend any activities with my family. This moment I was missing something. It’s like someone ripped out a part of me, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Yes, it was the girl I loved for a very long time. I needed her back into my life, but had no contact with her. Luckily, I had her phone number so I texted her. From that moment I told her everything. The reason why I left her was because my parents wouldn’t accept me for who I am. For who I want to be. I just had to say it to them. I can’t be someone who I don’t want to be. I can’t be that little girl who is into dresses and girly things. I want to be that girl who loves to dress like a guy. I want to be that girl who loves guys and girl. When I told my parents the second time that I’m bisexual, it didn’t end well. My dad said to me,

“I’m not supporting you and I want you to stop liking girls. This isn’t how we raised you.”

I can’t stop liking girls. This bisexual thing is a part of me. I’m not going to change just because my parents told me to. This is who I want to be. Yes, i know I’m committing a sin. But, I can’t be lying to myself that I need to be straight and not bisexual. I don’t want to change. I like who I am. I like being bisexual. But, some people will never understand. Whenever, I see a gay couple or lesbian, I smile because it’s so cute that they love each other. Who am I to judge? I’m not going to judge just because they like their own gender. No at all. The reason why is because we deserve to be happy. We deserve to be whoever we want. We deserve to be with someone who we love. Of course my parents will never understand this concept. I like being a part of the community, an “LGBTQ.”