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I grew up thinking love was just that, love. I saw my family love each other, my friends love and care for each other, but I was never that young girl who dreamed of what her wedding day would look like or how perfect and handsome my husband would be.
That really was the last thing on my mind at such a young age. I knew I wanted to explore life and finish my education before getting married and beginning a family. Though, I would never have put my career before my family. I would one day find that special perfect husband of my dreams and live happily ever after, so I thought.
When it was time for me to experience boys and relationships, no one really taught me how to approach the situation if it ever arrived. It would be a hands-on event for me like being thrown out in the jungle and told to survive. I never knew that I would go through so many relationships before finding the right one for me.
All through my teenage years, I was always teased and made fun of because I was a little overweight and too tall for any boy to want to give me the time of day. They all pretended to like me just to get something from me or get me to do something for them. I was pretty much miserable all through high school because I was one of those who never got to experience having a true boyfriend.
When I turned 15, there was one boy who did take an interest in me and we finally became close. He was 18 and of a different race which flew my mother into a tiff and she tried her hardest to keep us separated which hardly ever worked. We always found a way to be with each other until she had him thrown into prison for being with a minor. That is when the space between my mother and I got further apart.
After he was gone, I finally went my own way searching through life and trying to survive alone. I went through many relationships again through my 20s and it seemed like a neverending story. I had been beaten and bruised, and sometimes sexually abused even by someone who said they loved me.
I found myself living in many different cities and states always searching for the one who would actually be my soulmate. At one point, I lived as a roommate with a disabled man who needed a cook, maid, and anything else except physical contact and a girlfriend. He was not my type.
After so long of living with him, he became very sexually harassing to the point that I could not study while attending college. At night, while laying in bed I found out about phone chat rooms where I could talk to guys and hopefully get to know someone, and I did. He would soon be my first husband.
We had quite a few things in common but with him, it was mostly working, coming home to watch wrestling, and then falling asleep. There really wasn't any intimacy which I had a desire for. Our marriage lasted about ten months before we were off to divorce court to end it. It was irretrievably broken.
Once again I was single and still surviving alone in a cruel world who lavishes in materialistic things and hard bodies. With all of the abuse I had taken throughout my life, it wasn't a mistake or unknown that my self-esteem was getting lower all the time. I began finding myself hopeless and sabotaging my own mind with the fact that there is no one for me out in this big world.
Life went on and the search was beginning to dwindle. I tried to comfort myself with the words of being a strong independent woman who did not need a man or relationship to tie me down, but sometimes I laid in bed crying myself to sleep because there was no one to talk to or hold me.
It was about another five years before I ran into husband number two who I truly believed to be the one. Everything was great at first. The intimacy was there and we had fun times, but he could not get away from his first wife to realize he had a second one who was there for him.
He tried to be supportive in all aspects but sometimes, it really wasn't enough. I attempted to make this marriage work because I did not want another failed marriage. Everything went as planned until he too became abusive verbally and mentally. Let's not forget emotionally, as well.
Every day seemed to have a new set of attitudes and arguments to where we had no choice but to separate. I had failed again. Was it me, or him? Was I doing something wrong to deserve to be abused like this or to have one failed relationship after another? I had almost finally given up.
Our divorce was finally granted and right before my birthday and Christmas. What wonderful holidays I had. We seemed to be better as friends than we were married. I finally moved to another state and he moved me there only to end up staying at the very same house I was.
We slept separately but in the same room and there was a guy who came down from up the street to visit with my cousin who I lived with. He was quiet and never stayed long. He was kind of intriguing to me and when I asked about him, I was told he was in a relationship, so the thoughts left my mind.
It was a few months until I got on my own feet and a place of my own to live. Still, I was alone and it hurt. I adopted two puppies who became my children and it was us against the world. I worked from home and had plenty of time for them and anything else I desired. My desires were to stay home and work all the time just to keep my mind occupied.
One day, I decided to rent a car to run some errands and have some free time to myself. While out and about, I had a gut feeling to go to my cousin's house. When I arrived, there he was. That quiet guy had moved into my cousin's house and broke up with his girlfriend down the street. It was awkward at first, but I ended up taking him home with me that day.
Once we were at my house, we sat together talking and almost afraid of each other. I had not been alone with a man in such a long time and my dogs took right up to him. They were different around him and it was strange. We talked about the things we were into like music and hobbies.
While talking we both noticed how much we really had in common, which was scary. How many men do you know have almost everything in his being in common with you? He ended up having to go home that evening, but once he was home, we both got on our computers and spent the better part of the night chatting. It was awesome.
The very next day, he was back at my house helping me fix some things and having a great time together. We listened to music, watched movies—he is really into the horror flicks like me. It was always the same thing every evening that he had to go home and it bothered both of us because we didn't want to be apart.
We chatted every night on the computers and missed each other very much. It had been about two months later that I asked him sarcastically on the computer if he would marry me? His comeback was that he wanted to ask me that same question the next day face-to-face. It threw me for a loop that he was serious.
The next day when he came over, we asked his brother-in-law to borrow his car and made the drive to the courthouse to get married without anyone knowing. He made husband number three for me and I was wife number two for him.
Afterward, we went to everyone's house to inform them of the news and were met with criticism because we got married so fast. We had actually known each other for a couple years, so it wasn't like we knew each other for two months and then tied the knot.
He moved in and we set up house. It was all like a dream for me because I felt like I knew him forever. We could think the same things, end each other's sentences, and it was glorious but still scary at first. I wondered to myself, had I finally found my soulmate? I felt such a deep connection with him and he loved and cared for me like a husband should. Sometimes even better. I felt spoiled by the way he always took care of me.
It made people jealous and envious because our marriage was different in so much that we have been married now for four and a half years and have only had one disagreement, which was over who was going to mow the lawn. I love him more deeply than I have loved anything or anyone else. He makes me feel special and loved. I would never give him up for the world.
I have become disabled and have some health issues which you would think any other man would leave to never return, but he has been by my side the whole way through. About every ten to fifteen minutes throughout the day, he tells me he loves me and in return, I tell him that I love him too. Whether we are in the same room or not, he always manages to come find me or ask me if I am alright.
So, to answer the question, "Do soulmates exist?" I can truly say that they do and that there is someone out there for everyone who will cherish and treasure the love they have found in each other.