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Finding Time to Walk Away

Why do we continue to fight and stay when we are so unhappy?

By Kaylynn YoungPublished 6 years ago 2 min read
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When is it time to walk away?

You ever get that gut-wrenching feeling? You know, the one that is telling you it is over... Why do we continue to fight and stay when we are so unhappy? I find myself asking myself this question daily. I probably fight more times with my husband in a week than I can count, and yet I fight to stay. I have been married before and I walked away, and back then it was easy. I was done trying to fight, yet that girl who was able to pick up her life and start over seems to be missing. She is NOWHERE to be found. Hell, even my dreams have become a nightmarish tale of divorce, cheating, and scandal all orchestrated by my husband's self-destruction.

But it was not always this bad. If you had asked me two years ago if I thought my marriage could be ending, I would have laughed at you, because everything was perfect, or so it seemed. All the things I brushed off finally have risen to the surface like an infectious zit waiting to finally explode. I was so happy on my wedding day. Nothing could tear us apart. That is, until five months later, when my husband was videoed in a bar, making out with another woman. I thought that would have broken us but I stayed strong and fought to keep us together. By this point, I had figured out my husband was a narcissist, due to the fact he felt he was completely innocent and somehow I was to blame. I ignored it and continued to make my marriage work, doing whatever it took to be that perfect wife. ( I totally regreat that at this point.)

Some may ask how I did not see this before. His behavior has always been erratic and he is quick to blame anyone but himself, but I guess love is blind, and quite possibly stupid. I loved and still do love him, but I am tired of trying because when you feel like you are giving your all and it's not enough, maybe it is time to take a step back, evaluate the situation, and decide, "Do I want this for the rest of my life, or am I willing to take the risk and walk away?"

And that is where the title comes from—finding time to walk away. In our life, there is not always going to be the perfect moment, and in a situation like this, it will never be ideal. YOU have to be that change you want, and no matter the regret you are going to have, no matter how much you will hurt, you have to do what is right for YOU. I am writing you this as I sit in my room ALONE, while he sleeps peacefully on his couch. The best part is that I DO NOT CARE anymore.

I am not here to encourage separation. I love hearing people make their way through the mess and the muck and come out on top with their relationships better than ever. It also makes me sad to hear about the relationships that failed because they could not fix it, anymore. I am probably going to be that sad story at first, but I believe everything will be okay. To those going through the same, you are going to be okay, too. Maybe not at first, but a day will come when it doesn't hurt anymore.

breakups
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