Finding Yourself

Friendship can be a tricky thing. Friendship is about love, giving, learning, growing, and thriving. Much too often, people put their focus on the KIND of friendships they want to attain, rather than the people involved.

Friendships ebb and flow. People come and go. Some people search their whole lives searching for “their tribe,” so called. I think that sometimes we get so stuck on what we picture in our minds that we miss out on the things right in front of us, especially when it comes to friendship. Movies portray these big groups of friends that stick together, who do everything together, are constantly stopping over each other's homes without calling, and so many things that may or may not be our reality. Everyone is different and every group of friends is different. Some are bigger than others, some are smaller than others, some are closer than others. What matters most is that your friends are there for you no matter what and that they are loyal.

2016 to 2018 was a rough time for me when it came to friends. I saw a lot of people come and go. I witnessed people who I thought would be here forever fade from view, and friends I thought were absolutely wonderful turn out to be people I didn't like so much. I felt so many emotions that I struggled to process at the time. Looking back now though, I am so grateful for each and every one of those relationships. Each friendship that ended gave me something, whether that something was knowledge, or just a friend when I needed one. I learned a lot, not just about myself, but other people, and what helps friendship to thrive and what is important for me to look for in friends. Through every relationship I grew, I thrived, and most importantly, I learned.

At the end of 2018, I realized something very important... Something that I was doing to set myself up for failure. I came to see that I was setting my expectations for "my tribe" much too high. I was basing what I wanted off of what I saw from other people. I saw movies and TV shows and even people I knew going out every weekend with their same big group of friends and it sucked for me. I felt so sad and disappointed, feeling like I just didn't have that. What I needed to realize was that maybe I didn't have exactly that, but maybe I didn't have to. I might not go out every weekend with the same people. I might not only have the same, tight-knit group of friends, although, I think that it might be better that way. I have a wide range of friends. Some know each other and some don’t. Some weekends I hang out with one or two people, and the following weekend I’m at a gathering with ten friends. The most important thing is that I feel uplifted around the people I’m choosing to spend my time with. Time is a precious thing. We don’t want to just waste it on people who don’t care about us. Go. Find your “tribe,” and when I say that, I mean go and find people who really care about you. People who are excited to see you. People who don’t make you feel judged or drained. Don’t waste your time on relationships that aren’t healthy. Friendships are supposed to help you grow and thrive, not the opposite.

I learned a lot about myself and others in 2018. I met a lot of people and hung out with some that I probably wouldn’t choose to spend my time with now. I saw qualities in other people that I found deep within myself that I was not too fond of. I figured out how to and how not to treat others, and I discovered the true meaning of friendship. Find people that help you become the person you want to be, and don’t waste unnecessary time with people who teach you who you don’t want to be. Learn from things, grow from things, and thrive. Stop worrying about a tribe, worry about people, and yourself.