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I guess it's journal day! I know I shouldn't stress about my first kiss, and I'm really not, but is it really a big deal? No, right? I've told myself so many times that it's not a big deal, and it shouldn't be. But why do people always freak out when I tell them. Is it weird that a 22-year-old girl has never had her first kiss? Some of you might be saying "yes," others "no," maybe a few "who cares?" Well, I don't care.
I don't care, but I haven't gotten "rid of it."
It's weird, right? I don't care, but I care more about who it's with. I wanna get rid of the damn first kiss, but when the chance is right in front of me... I run! Not literally, like you know, I lose my cool and say, "NO." Maybe I'm just afraid and I say that because when it comes to love I am a total loser at it. I fall easily for guys over the little things, and I probably shouldn't. I'm ready to lose my first kiss, but I don't wanna give it to a random guy. My point is, as this moment in my life, I just want my first kiss over with, but with someone I have feelings for.
Do I have any expectations?
Hell yeah, I do! Like any hopeless romantic, I want my first kiss to be magical and whatnot. Magical enough for me to remember it, whether or not I liked it. I know, in reality, the first kiss is the most awkward situation ever! Well, that is also one of the reasons why I want my first kiss over with. In awkward situations, my face always turns bright red. I never know what to do or if I should do anything. Well, basically, I just want to get over it, so there will be less awkward moments for me to go through.
Am I missing anything crazy?
Well honestly speaking, no, I don't feel like I'm missing anything in the real world. I can live out my day normally, without having to kiss anyone. I don't need to kiss anyone just to have a normal day. On the other hand, I know for a fact that a kiss can be very comforting and in a way it's almost the same as embracing someone as a greeting. Every human being needs comfort once in a while, and a kiss is one of the ways you can comfort those you love. Whether it's just a kiss on the cheek, forehead, or a little peck on the lips, it's still comforting and showing love and consideration. And then again, kissing someone who you truly love and care for with passion, is totally different. A passionate kiss can show someone how much you care for them, and how you are always there for them no matter what. It lets them know that everything will be okay and it'll get better. In reality, I just want someone who can comfort me more than a hug and using words. You know what they say, sometimes actions speak louder than words.
It's really not that important.
You can't live your life everyday thinking about a stupid kiss. As I've gotten older, I've realized there are better things in life to worry or care about. My family and friends keep me pretty busy with events, parties, trips, and overall, just spending time together. Only until I graduated high school did I realize that life is all about trial and error. You will make a lot of mistakes and learn from it, but with those mistakes also comes along the potential of meeting new friends, or even more than friends. I'm not an expert at socializing, so I tend to stutter when I'm nervous or anxious. Funny thing though, I've met a lot of friends because of my little mistakes. Anyways, within those friends, I did meet a lot of men who were or could have been my potential first kiss. In the end though, I chose to just stay in the friend zone. My reasons being:
- They didn't feel the same (yes, I was rejected).
- I like having friends more than a serious relationship.
In the time being, I would rather have guy friends, just because to me it's more comfortable that way. Plus, I can easily ask advice if the right time comes that I need to ask. Where I am in life is also already a handful so a relationship isn't a good time for it. Having fun will always be welcome!
Four Words of Advice (For Others and Myself)
If you are in the same situation as I am, here's some advice:
- The first kiss can have sentimental feeling for some people, but not everybody. It is your own decision on how you want to deal with it.
- Many people, especially family and friends, will try to give you "advice" or even push you on random people. This is more of a warning!
- Not having your first kiss doesn't mean you're not attractive. You just haven't found the right person.
- My best advice is just live your life. Go with the flow because you will never know who you'll meet—they could be the one!