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I can still remember him clearly. My first love. No, it wasn’t an elementary or even middle school crush. It was a high school crush. I know, I’m a late bloomer but can you blame me? It wasn’t like I said, “You know what Imma have my first love at age 16.” Crushes occur when they want to. No one has control over when they happen or who it happens to. And, well, I happened to meet my first love during my junior year of high school.
There were no warning signs. It kind of just happened. One day I’m entering into my Stats class and out of nowhere, I see a tall, dark-haired Asian dude walking out of the classroom. I simply thought “hey, he’s kind of cute, I appreciate that.” The reason why I appreciated that was because in my high school there were no cute guys there so it was nice to see something pleasurable to the eyes. I simply admired his beauty then but oh... if I had known what was to come I would have run away as fast as possible. As a matter of fact, I would have tried anything to avoid him. But, I didn’t know then what I do know. Then again no one can predict the future so either way the day I crossed paths with him was the day I was screwed.
This is not to say that he harmed me in any way. More like he awakened something that was dormant inside me... the feeling of love. Yeah, I know that sounds cliché, but I swear it is the truth. I was never one to fall in love with my crushes. I simply just thought that my crushes were cute but I never once had the thought of wanting to date them. That is until I met him. Again, I know it sounds cliché but this is how I felt. To finally have the feeling of wanting to be with somebody specifically that one Asian dude who would appear in my Stats class was totally strange. It felt weird and unusual but no matter how weird it seemed to me I already fell for him.
Now onto how I actually started to fall in love with this guy. It wasn’t love at first sight because well I don’t believe in that. Really? To fall for a guy just simply because of their appearance is shallow and I am anything but that. The reason why I fell for him was due to my Stats teacher. My teacher would always tell my class how smart and studious my crush was. This was a first for me. Not that I always fell for “bad boys,” more like I never bothered to get to know my crushes at all. All I knew about them was that I saw them and they were cute. I wasn’t interested in knowing more about them but with this Asian dude, well Lord have mercy on me. Once I started to find out how he cared about his education, had morals, and was generally a good person I was hooked. Plus he had good fashion sense. I mean a dude who cares about his style?!?!?! Sign me up people!
He was everything I ever said that I wanted in a guy. He fit my “ideal” boyfriend mold so it was to no surprise that the more I learned how good he was the more I started to fall for him. Unfortunately for me, nothing really goes my way so it just so happened that the guy I liked was A) a senior, B) in a different Stats class as me, and most importantly C) HAD A GIRLFRIEND!!!!! I know it was just my luck to develop a full-on rock hard crush on the dude who had a girlfriend. I knew he was a good guy and I was also not delusional so obviously once I found out that he had a girlfriend I quickly made an exit on the crush train. This is not to say that I stopped crushing on him because it seems that the more you try to tell your brain to not love someone the more you like said person. But I tried my ultimate best to not try to imagine myself and him together because I am not a homewrecker thank you very much. I knew my limits and respected his girlfriend (even if I didn’t know her) to not try to seduce her man. I have self-respect so I wouldn’t do that either way.
Once again my life is never normal so just when I started to get over my crush he just had to break up with his girlfriend. Which then caused me to have a silver lining of hope of actually going out with him. But oh my story doesn’t end there. Turns out that this dude was very in love with his girlfriend so when they broke up he ended up taking it really hard. I heard that he would sing sad songs and was completely heartbroken after the breakup. Now, I could have stepped up my game right then and there and just casually be the girl to mend his heart back together but I didn’t do that. Because I didn’t know him like that. We were complete strangers so how could I just casually walk up to him and say “Hey I heard you broke up with your girlfriend, harsh man but don’t worry I’m here for you.” If I was to say that to him I’m pretty sure that I would get a one way trip to the psychiatric center for stalking, to which either way I ended up going to but it was for a different reason (if you read my story "Twin Sister" you’ll know). Given these circumstances, there was nothing I could do but look at him from afar and feel bad for him. So this is my sad story of my first love who at the end of the year ended up getting over the breakup and graduated.
Yep, he graduated which I expected, but what I never expected was the hurt in my heart when he walked up that stage and took his diploma. FYI I was part of the marching band so I had to go to the graduation and play for the graduates and their families so no I didn’t sneak into the graduation. I was supposed to be there, so don’t think I’m a stalker okay. Either way, I saw him walk the stage, turn his tassel, and take pictures with his family. I guess you can say that I at least got to say bye to him, secretly that is. I couldn’t actually go up to him and say bye because then he’d be like “who you?” But even if I, fortunately, got to see him one last time, it still hurt as hell to know that the following year I wouldn’t see him. He awakened the feeling of love in me and now he was leaving far away from my reach. Sad story, I know, but it’s not that bad after all I ended up getting over him. Not completely though since sometimes I see his picture on Facebook or on Instagram due to a mutual friend we have and get those butterflies, and feel my heart tighten. Then again he was my first love so I know it won’t be easy to forget him, that is if I actually do forget him completely which I doubt.