Five Reasons Not to Marry Someone

I have been married four times, five times if you count the fact that I married the same man twice. Not that these facts make me an expert, but they have given me some good insight as to the wrong reasons to marry someone.

Reason #1: Do not marry someone because they have money and offer you security.

It may seem like the answer to all your problems, finding someone who is financially secure and feeling as though he or she will take care of you. The problem with this situation is that it takes your basic self-respect away, making you feel as though you have compromised something inside of you. You took the easy way out, and that should not be an option anyone is proud of.

Another problem is that along with the money and security you are receiving, you probably will begin to notice you are being told what to do and when to do it. Your freedom, choices, and even values will no longer be your own, but will be the product of what your spouse tells you it will be. That's when you feel smothered, controlled, and that you have sold your soul to the devil.

Reason #2: Do not marry someone who is not first your friend.

When a relationship is new, and love is in the air, nothing the other person does ever seems to bother you, even the little annoying things you find cute. That ends after a while though under the daily grind of work, housework, cooking, paying bills, raising children, and all the other endless daily chores. Suddenly the rosy atmosphere thins, and you find yourselves snapping at each other over the little things.

When two people enter into a relationship, and they become friends, they discuss what they like and dislike, and in spite of the saying that opposites attract, in real life, it works better if two people have mutual interests that they can share with each other.

Reason #3: If someone shows signs of being abusive, RUN!

Abusive people tend to have a pattern, and that pattern is that they are so nice when you first meet them. If you are a woman dating an abusive man, you will get a lot of flowers, compliments, and approval at first, but then the real person comes out when they feel they have you. They will take away all your contact with friends and family so they can control you completely. They will take away your independence, and not let you have a vehicle or ride the bus. That way they always know where you are. You will have to account for every dime you spend, and when they get angry, they will hit you, and then tell you that you made them do it. Soon, you begin to believe this, and your self-esteem is eroded to the point where you believe whatever is told to you.

There are signs and indications that someone is abusive even in the beginning of the relationship. Watch out for a person who flies off the handle a lot, hits walls, kicks animals, or says abusive things to you and then later is very sorry and apologetic, so much so that you start to believe he really does love you, and then the cycle begins again, getting worse each time.

Once you are in an abusive relationship, it is very difficult to get out safely, and some women have found this out the hard way. Others have gotten to the point where they can't take it anymore, and will actually go so far as to murder the abusive spouse. Then, they spend the rest of their life in prison, and it isn't worth it. Be aware and get to know the person you are with before you say "I Do."

Reason #4: Don't get married because you are lonely.

Many people find themselves living alone, and eventually get tired of the life of the single person, the bars, the parties, and all the other activities singles indulge in. Life is scarier then it was when I was dating, and with so many on-line sites where you can find your perfect mate, it makes it easy to be tempted to find that perfect person, but don't be in such a hurry.

Living alone is a wonderful time to become a whole person, to get to know yourself and what you like, don't like, and learn to feel comfortable in your own skin, and satisfied with your own company. Don't grab on to just anyone to avoid being alone. Ask yourself which environment would you rather be in, a peaceful, pleasant one with yourself alone, or one that has distance, abuse, drama, stagnation, and all the other negative emotions that arise when two people have nothing in common and got together only to avoid being alone.

Reason #5: Don't marry someone to get your friends' and family's approval.

It is always a nice feeling to make others happy, and we strive to gain the approval of our friends and family, which isn't a bad thing. Not unless you are with someone you feel no strong emotions for, only because your family and friends think they are such a great guy or gal. You can bask in their approval only so long, and finally, you will need to do something for yourself, something that makes you happy inside. Your family and friends should give you their love, support, and approval because they love and accept you for who you are, not who you are with.